I know I haven't blogged in two months. For that, I'm sorry. The last few weeks have been insane. Work has doled out mandatory extra hours for the last four weeks. I got an email this morning saying that we have more mandatory over the next three weeks. I literally burst into tears and cried for 45 minutes because of this. It's just a little extra hours, you say?
No. That's not all it is.
I've been flaring for three weeks now. THREE. I'm pretty sure this is one of my longest. I'm medicating, and taking hot showers, and using the heated blanket, and resting, and sleeping, and staying in bed (gods know I'm doing enough of that; I'm in bed more than I'm on WoW/my computer these days). I woke up this morning and I literally could hardly walk. My left leg is refusing to work, I had to hop around the house, and when my right leg had had enough of that, I fell.
I'm so tired. I'm in so much pain. Laying in bed is painful. Sitting is painful. Standing is painful. I didn't wash my hair until last night (after merely rinsing my henna out on Sunday) because my HAIR hurts. Everything I eat is making me sick. Housework isn't getting done; I do a few dishes at a time when I'm microwaving food (since I don't have enough energy to actually cook) but they just keep piling. I have next to nothing in the kitchen besides some frozen chicken and beef and canned veggies, so I have NO idea what I'll do for food tonight. Just go grocery shopping when you feel better, you say?
Yeah well... It's kinda our thing, my mom and I, to go shopping on the weekend of paydays. So I was kinda expecting to go tomorrow, and then veg out because I would be at her place and wouldn't have to expend energy to cook after I just went shopping. Except my sister announced a few weeks ago that she's moving to Florida this summer. And decided, EVEN THOUGH SATURDAY HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY DAY WITH MOM, that she was taking her out to dinner tonight to discuss her plans.
I know, I know. This came from left field. She was engaged to Jarrett. They were going to have a baby, have a life, blah blah blah. Except no. She dropped out of school. She dumped Jarrett. And now she's moving to FL to be with a guy she's never met. A guy she knows on WoW. A guy five years her senior. A guy who, when she was 15, sent her pictures of his dick and tried to get her to run away from home to be with him.
This sounds like a fabulous, fool proof, well-thought out plan, right? Right.
She and I had a big blow out this week and needless to say, she's dead to me (pretty much, this).
I don't normally pull the "I'm better than you card" because I don't like it. But in this case, I am. When I was a senior in high school, I was dating a guy in Virginia (I was in Florida). I met him via a friend that lived in VA during the summers in 9th grade, we started dating in 10th. At this point (spring of senior year), I had met his parents, he had met mine, everyone approved. I also had somewhere around $7000 to my name (early inheritance check). Bryant came out for prom and I had a model expo in Orlando. I was going to bring a friend, but she couldn't get a babysitter, so it was just me and Bryant. And my mother was furious, but I was 18 and she couldn't really stop me from going (for the record, we didn't actually have sex in the hotel; it was ~2 AM when we got in since I had to work that Saturday night, we ate a quick dinner, and went to bed since I needed to be up at 7 to get ready, and we left to go home right after the expo). We came out, did some yardwork I was asked to do, and then we crashed on the futon on the garage because we were exhausted. My parents came home, saw us in bed together, and immediately thought that there was some horizontal bee-bopping going on (there really wasn't, we were just tired). My parents kicked him out (he still had something like three or four days left in his stay) so I frantically called friends, finding a place to stay. And in that time, I went with him. I packed a bag and stayed with my friend Amber and her family. I had the option to go to the bank, withdraw all $7000, and run away with Bryant. But yanno what? I didn't. Yeah, high school sucked. Yeah, it would have been an easy out and I could have just got away from my family and started all over. But I didn't. I was so close to the end; why waste all those years, all that hard work? So yanno what, I -am- better than her, because I didn't give up my last semester of high school for a man that I knew and knew I had a solid living/job situation to go to, let alone one that I had never met in the middle of a time when jobs are few and far between, especially for someone without a high school diploma.
This veered way off-topic, but I needed to get that off my chest. So there's no shopping this weekend with mom. I don't really have anything to bribe Lance to go out and get my food (especially because Reaper of Souls was released on Monday night and he's barely left his room). I'm starving, but I'm honestly terrified to try and walk up and down the stairs and navigate across the ice in my yard, because that's just screaming for a trip to the ER.
Chris will be here in three weeks if all goes according to plan tomorrow. I was really hoping to have some time to rest and relax and get out of this flare so that I can actually enjoy his company and have fun while he's here.
I just want everything to stop. The pain, the work, everything. I just want a break.
