Mood: Upset
Listening to: Some trance Pandora station
Reading: Mists of Avalon
Watching: -
Playing: -
Eating: -
Drinking: Water


I am so incredibly sad today. No, it's not because of 9/11. And this is probably all amplified by the fact that I have legendary PMS.
C swears that we will never have children. He used to. When he was with his ex, H, they planned out everything - wedding, honeymoon, children, their entire lives. But with me... he sticks to his guns that we will never have children and if by some freak chance that it happens, there will be only two options - abortion or adoption. 
I spoke with his mother about this this the other day when we went shopping. She says that he's just young and selfish and that once he grows up and gets away from his sisters for good, things will change.
But we had an argument about something his mom did/said to his sister. I agreed with her, he didn't. And as we sat and debated/argued (I don't even know the difference with us anymore) I asked what we would do if it ever came down to our kid and he said that wouldn't happen. I stated that we're speaking in a purely hypothetical world and he said that my argument was totally invalid because we were never going to have children, at all, whatsoever. 
And at that point, I wanted to cry.
I'm not saying that I want to go and get pregnant right now, because I don't. I know that neither one of us are ready for a child (mentally, emotionally, financially). But at some point in my life... I'd like to have a kid. But if he stays his ground, I'll never have one.
I'm trying really hard to keep a poker face and not break down into tears, because this is really hurting me. But I can't let him know, because that will just spark a fight all on its own and that's one of the reasons that we broke up before...
Guess I just have to suck it up and deal.

Short Rant

Fucking Christ... I hate being told that I'm in the wrong when I get pissed off at stuff that a certain someone has got pissed about before. 
It's OK to get mad because it's your sister, but the minute I get mad, I'm wrong and need to chill out. 
No, that's not how that shit fucking works.


And I'm raging out because I saw an IM on C's Facebook the other day from that girl from previous posts, R, saying that she missed him and loved him on his birthday, and then she asked if we were back together. He hadn't responded to her, but tonight as I was trying to work on a new story (just a side thing from one of the D&D campaign I'm in), I glanced up to watch C (he's been playing Aion so I'm trying to watch and see how it is) and there's an IM from her on FB again, and he's responded to her question, and she wrote back to him, but since I'm about five feet away and can't read the tiny text of a Facebook IM, I couldn't see what it was... And it is honestly driving me bat-shit bonkers. I'm not trying to be a spy, I just wanna fucking know what he said to her, since he kinda cheated on me with her before... 


Yes, I am very ragey tonight. I'm having some pretty bad bursty PMS mood-swings this week. This rant was supposed to help me get it all out and make me feel better, but it really didn't... Fuck my life so hard some days...

Bitch, whine, complain, QQ

Mood: Really meh
Listening to: Enigma Radio on Pandora
Reading: Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood
Watching: -
Playing: -
Eating: -
Drinking: Water


So. Like the title implies, this is basically just a post to rant in. If you don't wanna hear it, get the fuck out. If you keep reading, I don't want any smart ass remarks or anything. 


So C and I met on World of Warcraft. I wasn't really an avid role-player at the time (I had been when I was younger, but then I drifted out of it) but he was. I really wanted to be again, so when I moved in with him, we developed new characters and would sometimes kinda maybe RP them. I think the total time that we played these two characters (role-play, that is) I could count on one hand. They were our mains for a very long time and I was very into our story and I thought that he was too, but he never really showed it.
So then we RP with another set of characters and one gets attached to another and they become involved. 
And then there's another set there are friends with benefits. 
And then our last pair are sisters.
Saidrym and Myrdias were RPed 5 times (at most). Ly and Khaen were RPed between 5 and 10 times. Aven and Vel were RPed twice. Lora and Mae probably have the most RP time together, but that's because we had another pair of people that we were involved with. 
Now, I am of the mindset that RP is just that - role-playing. It's not real, it's all fiction and make believe. So anything that happens during RP doesn't severely affect my real life (granted, there have been times I've become frustrated and what not because of something that happened in an RP session, but nothing big). 
My problem, however, lies with the fact that I have to beg, plead, bribe, and persuade by any means to get C to RP with me. I could take a binky from a fussy baby easier than getting him to RP with me. But as soon as someone else wants to RP, he's all for it, especially the one that is connected to his Mae. 
So recently, since we quit playing WoW, I've really wanted to find a way to get back into RP. So a friend of mine suggested we do a forum RP and asked me to invite my friends. Naturally, I ask C if he wants to come. He says that he's not sure and he doesn't know. So I get to asking friends from WoW, including the aforementioned girl. As soon as I mention to him that she's interested in it, his interests perks threefold. Then yesterday when they were talking on battle.net chat and she told him that she was for sure gonna do it (once we have the site up and running), he told me he was totally game for it. And he's even went and joined some RP forum website thing just so that he can talk and RP with her.
WHY WON'T HE EVEN PUT FORTH A LITTLE EFFORT FOR ME!?! 
I feel so neglected because of this. =/ 
That's all, I suppose.

So Stressed Out...

So, uh... 
Fuck my life.
A lot.
Completely.
Totally. 
100%.


After consulting with a lawyer today about my debt, I have been advised against bankruptcy. I have over $14,000. About $9000 of it is in student loans (I didn't realize I had that much) and those cannot be discharged by bankruptcy. Even if I was to start paying $100 a month towards my loans, they wouldn't be paid off for 7.5 years. I'll be almost 30 then. If C and I decide to have kids, it'll be around that time, and going back to school just won't be an option. 
The only way I'll be able to go back to school is if I wait until my 30's OR somehow come into $15,000 to pay off my debt in full. Or get the money to just outright pay for schooling (but I would rather just pay the debts off). 
Way to make my fucking life. Thanks, Ma, for fucking me over so goddamn hard.

How Do You Deal With...

Mood: Numb
Listening to: YouTube
Reading: Ya-Ya's in Bloom (a sequel that's kind of a prequel to The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood)
Watching: Mortal Kombat machinima's (which are very good, if you're a fan)
Playing: League of Legends
Eating: Salad
Drinking: Fiji Water 


... that nasty six letter word? Yeah, you know which one I'm talking about. The one that everyone, no matter what race, gender, religion, or sexual orientation, dreads hearing. The word that can make someone drop to their knees in despair and cry to the heavens, demanding an answer.


Cancer.


No, I don't have it. My aunt does. We found out yesterday that my aunt has brain cancer. They thought the tumor they found was benign and that they would remove it and she would be OK. But then the surgery revealed it was malignant. This is as much as I know. I haven't heard anything back from my family concerning her test results yet, like what her chances are, how far it's spread, how long she has, etc. I did some research and a general survival rate for a white female is 33%... That's not a lot. I mean, it's 1/3, which is OK. It's good compared to some other terminal illnesses that are 1/8, 1/10, or 1/100. But still... 33% is harsh... And she's so young... Not even 30 yet. 
I broke down when I got the news. I was in complete hysterics, so much so I could barely form words. I was eating dinner, but the food was like tasteless mush in my mouth. I haven't spoke with her yet; she has my number and has been told to call me whenever she can. I'm afraid to talk to her. I don't know what to say to her. I don't want it to be one of those awkward conversations where we dance around the topic nervously, neither of us bringing it up and having those awkward pauses and silences, and when it does finally get brought up, breaking down into tears. I have to be strong for her; she needs it. 
Because of all this, I had to speak with my mother, whom I haven't spoken to in nearly a year. She tried to be nice and tell me she loved me and that I'm her baby girl and what not. Strange how family tragedy can make people forget/forgive past events. It was hard for me, because I didn't know what to say. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I loved her. I know I probably hurt her pretty bad when I did, but I'm not ready to forgive her yet. 
I don't know what to do. If something happens, and she passes, there's no way that I can go to the funeral. I'm half a country away, and quite broke. And possibly getting ready to start a new job. But I'll feel like a complete bitch if I don't go, should that event arise.


If anyone has any experience with this, please help me. And any prayers and good vibes that can be spared are muchly appreciated. 

Ohaithar!

Mood: OK
Listening to: Loreena McKennit Pandora station
Reading: Some Jennifer Weiner novel
Watching: Yu Yu Hakusho
Playing: League of Legends
Eating: Angel hair with marinara
Drinking: Water


Two weeks! I know, I know. I'm so bad about things like this. I keep seeing it on my bookmarks bar and I tell myself "You should blog today!" And then... I don't. So let's see... Where did we last leave off? -checks post history- Aha! Yes, yes. 
You will all be pleased to find out that things are MUCH better since the last post. The heat wave came and went, then came back. We all wanted to die. It was terrible. For the duration of it, Minnesota (where I live) was the only place in this part of the world to be AS HUMID AS the Amazon jungle. REALLY!? THE FUCKING AMAZONS!? It was ridiculous hot. SO glad it's over. In fact, today we're sitting somewhere in the mid 80's. I even have a light blanket over my legs! How awesome. I can't wait for the fall to get here; it's my favourite time of year. Anywho! On to more important topics!
C AND I HAVE GOT BACK TOGETHER! -cheers and victory dances- Awww yeah! I was so stoked when he finally said yes. July 17 was the day. -sigh- So happy now. And things between him and I are actually going pretty well. We have our little spats every now and then, only had one "big" argument, but we talked it out and made it OK. 
Family still drives me crazy most days. I'm craving to move out like none other. I can't wait to have our own place, to actually have a kitchen where I can put our groceries, instead of our bedroom, where I can cook, where my kittens can roam free, where it will be my rules. Two months... Just two more months. I've made a wishlist at WalMart to try and get people to help us buy some things that we'll need for the apartment. If anyone wants to be super cool and donate... https://www.walmart.com/giftregistry/gr_detail.do?registry_id=86212001125! There's all kinds of stuff on there in all price ranges. Every little bit counts. 
Job search is still turning up nothing for me... I'm frustrated with it, C keeps telling me that it's OK and that he's already prepared himself to support me for a while since the economy sucks and we live in BFE and have no vehicle. He says that I do my fair share by buying groceries, cleaning the house (which is just two rooms in his parents place right now), taking care of the animals, etc. I still feel bad though. =/ However, I have discovered this thing called TextBroker. Basically, you browse topics and there are sub-topics for you to write about. You get paid by the word; most articles will fetch you $3-7 apiece. I did two today, and got almost $9. It's not much at all, but I figure if I can do at least one a day and get $4 for it (and have it accepted), by the time we move out, I'll have a little bit to put towards it. Again, every bit helps. 
So, I have embarked on a journey, and this time, I'm serious. I am going to lose weight and get into shape. My long term goal is 50 pounds. I have lots of short term goals, 5 pound increments until 25, and then 10 pound increments. C and I have implemented a reward system for me so that when I reach a goal, he'll buy me something. I'm pretty excited for it. It's going to be long, and difficult, and trying. But I think with my support network (him and a friend, L) I'll be able to actually do it this time around. 
I guess that's all for now. Three cheers for victories, [somewhat, kinda, sorta] jobs, and goals!

I cry at weddings...

Mood: Hot
Listening to: Nothing at the moment
Reading: -
Watching: -
Playing: -
Eating: Cookies and Cream poptarts
Drinking: Milk


... because I only wish that I could be as happy as them.

It may just be my moods are all out of wack because of PMS, it may be that the stars are out of line, or it may just be that I'm sad. Whatever it is, it really sucks and I'd like it to go away. The last few days I have been incredibly sad for a good portion of the day. And my mood is only made worse by songs that I hear on the radio (I still can't listen to that Kelly Clarkson song, 'Already Gone' without breaking down into hysterical tears) or things on TV. For instance, I'm watching Roswell right now, just got into season 3. Isobelle (spelling may be wrong, that's just how I prefer it) just got married. I sat there and cried at a stupid fictional wedding because it made me sad because they looked so happy. And then there's the episode where Maria breaks up with Michael (which, to be honest, I NEVER saw coming. They are so adorable together!). I cried during that too, because it was reminiscent of my break up with C. Also, during the previously mentioned wedding scene, I got really sad, because they had all their friends and family, from both sides, as weddings are prone to doing. It made me realize that if I am ever to get married, whether it be C or someone else, I won't have very many people to invite because I have alienated and distanced myself from the majority of the small family I did have and I'm severely lacking in the friend department, and if I do, chances are they can't come since they're all in Florida (or Pittsburg, as the case may be with my aunt and uncle). My "wedding" won't even be a real thing, and that is something to be greatly upset about.

Recently, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from Single to It's Complicated. When I found out all that shit about C and bitch-face R, I changed it back to Single. A mutual friend of C's and mine commented on it and was asking what happened. I told him that "It's Complicated" is just a fancy way of saying that you're not dating someone, just sleeping with them, and that I didn't want that tag. He said that he was under the impression that we were dating, and I told him that we were, for all intents and purposes, we just haven't made it technical and official. He was all "Oh, well I guess that's cool if you both are OK with it. It works for some people, not so much with others. But it's always nice to have that sense of security, just in case one person was to find someone else and leave the other out in the cold." At which point I became quite upset thinking about this because this time, I really would have *no where* to go. However, C's mom later reassured me that should something ever happen, I am staying here by her grace, not C's, and that I would be allowed to stay for however long I needed to until I got stable.

TL;DR - I'm tired of being single and it's starting to depress me.

Now... I love C's family to death. They've been more of a family to me than my flesh and blood has been in the last few years (since before I graduated, honestly). But some days... his sisters are enough to make the Pope cuss. H isn't so bad, she and I get along pretty well, but she is constantly in our room. And I feel rude telling her to GTFO, but c'mon now. I'm a 22 year old girl, I need my privacy. And having her in here all the time makes it REALLY hard to try and be intimate with C, because she's usually in here soon after we get home until 11 or so (on and off), and by that time, I'm getting pretty sleepy. I'm trying to play the role of "cool big sister" but there's comes a time when the line is crossed, yanno? And S, his other sister... She and I don't get along so well. I know you really shouldn't pick favourites within families (I know it's just a parent thing, but I still feel a little bad doing it) but H is definately my favourite of the two. I'm not sure what it is about S that clashes with me and makes me not like her. Call me a terrible, horrible person but it may be the fact that she has Aspergers Syndrome. It may be the fact that we don't have that much in common. It may be the fact that she tries WAY too hard (I really don't like people who try that hard, seems so fake to me). However, I can't be too open with my favouritism to H because then C's mom goes into Momma Bear mode and tears me a new one (been down that road before, don't wanna go back). But she does things that just send me straight to the fucking moon. She knows and has been told over and over and over and over again (at least since I've been here, I can't imagine how many times she was told before I moved in) NOT to touch any of C's things (and mine) without explicit permission from him or me. Whether it be one of our board games to a D&D book to using the gaming pencils outside of game sessions, she has been told to ask permission. Now, several times, I have found her drawing and feeding her obsession (a story for another time, C and I both strongly disapprove of it) to that boy with our pencils and paper, using the D&D books for only goddess knows what, taking the board games out to use with all her friends (she is INFAMOUS for losing game pieces), among other things. And we have told her time and time again to not do it. So this morning, I wake up and go out into the kitchen to get a butter knife to make C's lunch for him. As I'm walking though the living room, I see a yellow spiral notebook on the table, along with a bunch of her markers. I think "Hrm, I have a yellow notebook that I use for D&D..." I go over and flip it open and sure as shit, there are my notes. Along with one of the gaming pencils. And now, I'm furious. C is all "Calm down, I'll take care of it when I get home." Well that's all well and good, but I'm still entitled to be pissed off. And this isn't the first time. I've found articles of clothing in strange places. Now you're probably saying that laundry has a tendency to do that. But not when it's clothing that I haven't worn since I've been back in Minnesota. And these were pieces of clothing that I *know* that she was fond of (she commented on one of the shirts that I had worn in the winter time and said how pretty it was and when of my shirts was found in the girls' laundry, she told H that if I didn't claim it that she was going to). So anyways, this morning when I got home, I emptied out my small suitcase (where I happened to be keeping my bras, panties, and socks) and collected all of the D&D material and packed it all away. That way, none of it can be used without coming through me.

TL;DR - I can't fucking wait to get the hell outta here and into my own home.

Oh, and did I mention we're having an "Excessive Heat Warning" until Wednesday night? Yah, that's a surefire way for me to keep my temper under control. I really don't do well in the heat (I get incredibly frustrated and agitated) and coupled with my PMS, the smallest things are going to set me off. It's going to one hell of a long five days.

And today shall be...

Mood: Frustrated
Listening to: Country music
Reading: -
Watching: Wanting to watch Tangled
Playing: -
Eating: Craving PBJ
Drinking: Nothing, but want milk to go along with ^



... the day of rage.


For starters, the last two nights I've got jack shit for sleep. It's been a combination of the ridiculous heat/no AC/sleeping alone. I hate sleeping alone, with a passion. I've slept with the same person for the last two years (March - May was the exception and I slept really bad those entire two months); it's pretty hard adjusting, even if it's just for a night. But two larger people in a twin sized bed when it's 80 degrees is not fun. So C has been sleeping in the porch and letting me have the room. And coming home and trying to nap doesn't really help because the sun beams coming through the window right in my face. x.x
Second, we have fleas. Something terrible. I have bites all over my feet, ankles, and calves and I've managed to scratch some of them til they bled. Viani has scabs all over her neck from scratching. Now, if it was just Viani and Anera, it'd be no problem. Give 'em baths, slap collars on them, and put that carpet powder down. Viola! However, since we live with C's parents, we also have 7 other cats and two dogs that, obviously, go outside every few hours. Dealing with fleas is more like a never-ending war. If we give the girls a bath and treat our room, they'll just get the fleas back the minute they go out in the rest of the house. Flea collars will help a little, but since they've never wore collars, getting them to stay on is going to be a feat of patience. Of course, we could just put that carpet powder down everywhere and limit the exposure (more than we already do) the girls have to the house. However... that brings me to my next point.
Money. God, I hate money. I really do. With only Chris working, we're just barely breaking even every month. And I hate asking C for stuff that I need, but yanno... I hadn't been able to buy new panties in years... literally. Since I was in high school. And I was needing in a bad way. It was just $8 but still. I really need a new bra too, since I only have two that fit me (the other ones I wear I'm falling out of all the time). The kittens are going into heat and they need to see the vet. We need flea medicine. But it's all so expensive. The jobs gods hate me... C's boss is an idiot... She complained at the manager meeting that they need cashiers and for everyone to tell their friends and family to put apps in because she's tired of interviewing drug addicts. So both C's mom and I put our apps in. We haven't got calls back, even though we've called and bugged them. We're never going to be able to move out like this... 
Today has just been a mess. I couldn't sleep, so I woke up feeling like hell. I took C to work but by the time I got back, I was so exhausted I couldn't sleep. So I surf forums for a few hours til I feel slightly sleepy. Toss and turn for two hours or so and kind of get some sleep. Get up to go take a shower. Halfway through, the water turns ice cold. I rush to rinse off and get out, quite cross that now my sleep and shower have been disturbed. In my room, I dig through my suitcase to get some clothes. My shirt decided it was going to give me issues while I tried to put it on, so in a fit of rage, I fling my arm and somehow managed to take a chunk out of my chin and begin bleeding. At this point, I'm just furious. So I sit down and start to write this blog, turning on my country playlist. As I'm writing, the song Whiskey Lullaby comes on. I haven't heard this song is a *very* long time. I start bawling almost immediately because this song makes me think about my dad, who committed suicide two and a half years ago in the middle of my parents divorce. I haven't cried about him, or really even thought about him, since the one year anniversary of his death (which was a very bad day for me). 
And now I find out, of course, the one day I really want C to just come home after work and baby me, he can't because he has to go out with his dad and work on rental houses, which is gonna take a lot of the afternoon. 


I hate life some days. 

Bouncing Back

Mood: Warm
Listening to: Country
Reading: -
Watching: Yu Yu Hakusho
Playing: LoL is having maintenance 
Eating: Nothing yet, lunch soon
Drinking: Water

So... That last post... I have since cooled down, quite unlike the last time I found out about C and another female. 
(Totally off topic, but I hate Times New Roman. I really do. I mean, it just screams "I'M SO FUCKING BORING!")


Anyways, I took time, I cleared my head, and then... I started planning. Planning what, you might ask? Oh, my dearies... I have grown much in the past few years. No longer am I the young, naive, prone to blowing up girl that I once was. No no... I have grown and matured and learned. Psychological warfare is defined as this:
"The planned use of propaganda and other psychological actions having the primary purpose of influencing the opinions, emotions, attitudes, and behavior of hostile foreign groups in such a way as to support the achievement of national objectives."


Let me rework that real quick... Change a word or two...
"The planned use of propaganda and other psychological actions having the primary purpose of influencing the opinions, emotions, attitudes, and behavior of others in such a way as to support the achievement of one's objectives."


Ah, much better! Now then. Now that that's out of the way. I think that we all know where this is going. And I've already set it into motion. C and I have a joke about otters and so I was on the ICanHazCheeseburger network the other day and searched for "love." I found a photo of two otters together and it said "Significant Otters," playing on the term 'significant other.' I posted that on his wall on Facebook and commented that "Aww, it makes me think of us." I also found another comic (this one on accident) of someone trying to play with their cats and the cats caring less. And then the next frame is the person sleeping and the cats jumping and running and playing all over the person and the bed. I posted that one with the comment "lol This is basically every night with us and our girls." 
Every few days, I will post a picture or two, maybe send a Flair, like that and make sure they get publicly posted. Because this R person seems like the type that would visit his page often enough, and none of my messages will be over the top, but just enough to make her wonder and question and doubt her place. 
Step one - Complete


And for C... I have already set that into motion as well. That day, before I went to pick him up, I took a long, hot shower. I took tons of time picking out the perfect outfit (my only pair of jeans, which happen to fit me quite well) and a silver halter top that gives mountains of cleavage and hangs on my figure very nicely), applying make-up, and doing my hair in half-pigtails (Misa Amane from Deathnote for reference). I looked smokin' hot when I left. And he noticed. 
Step two - Complete.


Also, I've been willing myself to have a more active sex drive, because I know that's of the things that he's put out about. I'm making a conscience effort to make sure that something happens at least once a day (providing that one of us isn't sick/hurt, the weather isn't sweltering, etc), including making sure he wakes up nicely on his days off. And he's noticed that too. Plus... I plan on using their "thing" against him... Whenever an opportune moment presents itself, I will respond to a command he gives me with something along the lines of "Yes, Master" or "As you wish/command" to see if that sparks anything. Anything she can do I can do better, right?
Step three - Complete.


And now, I just rinse and repeat. For months, we've talked about getting back together. But he says that I still have to grow and change my bad habits and such. This is sure to give it a big push in the right direction. And then... I can start the posting of lovey-dovey boyfriend-girlfriend stuff on his Facebook and I'll be set. I'm a territorial female, fiercely territorial. I won't hesitate to run out a woman who I feel is stepping over the line or threatening me.  Let her make one wrong move... Just one... And then... it's as simple as game, set, match. I did it once... no, twice. I will do it again without a second thought. 


That can't be the only thing that helped calm me down and collect my senses though, right? Right you are! C's mom saw a status on my Facebook that day that went something like "I wonder how people in history felt when the discovered something on accident that made them change the way they see things... Maybe like that sinking feeling you get that goes from your heart to the pit of your stomach." And the minute I got home from picking him up, she was like "You. Me. Mudroom." I set groceries down, told C and his sister that I needed to talk to mom and headed to go talk to her. I explained what I had discovered and told her about the last incident with K when we first started dating. She and I talked for a long time. She told me that C is just like his dad and he's gonna do stupid shit like this, and that if I'm devoted enough, I'll stick by him through it and one day he'll realize that he's been an asshole and apologize and reform. She told me to make sure that I keep note, whether mental or physical, of every stupid thing he's done (the incidents with K, S, and R, for example) because one day, he'll want to know how he's fucked up. She said that I should just keep quiet about what went on with R and let it blow over. It was in the past, and to let it stay there. And so I am. She's a saint, and helped me through many a hard time with him, and I foresee her helping me later down the line many a time more.  


So no need to worry, dear readers. I am OK and have taken care of things. Now.. to make lunch and satisfy the rumbles in the tummy!

Emotionally Mind Fucked - The Sequel

Mood: Incredibly, inconsolably upset
Listening to: Fans
Reading: Dragonriders of Pern (only kinda, 'cause I'm losing interest, fast)
Watching: Yu Yu Hakasho (or however teh hell it's spelled)
Playing: LoL
Eating: -
Drinking: -
Yah, I know it's been a while since I last wrote. Two weeks or so... Sorry, guys. Just haven't really been feeling it. 
But today, ladies and gentlemen, I come to you with a heart full of hurt, betrayal, confusion, anger, frustration. Oh yes, prepare to feast on my misfortunes, for I have a story to tell.


For starters, I have found out that I cannot go to college. At least not for a long while. Why, might you ask? 
"You were all gung-ho about it in one of your previous posts, why the sudden change of heart?" 
Well, dear readers, it's not a change of heart, but more of a brick wall of bad circumstances. Since I'm in debt from my loans when I went to college before and have since defaulted on those loans, the government refuses to give me any financial aid until those loans are paid off (totally to approximately $3000). And I don't have a job. So I'm screwed right now. I pretty much had a total meltdown when I received the notice, and of course, C tries to calm me down, tell me it's all OK, that we will work it out. Not right now, since we aren't financially able to, but in the future. I calm down, breathe, and try to get a hold of myself. At this point, I'm angry with my mother, because it's her fault that I'm in this mess in the first place. That has been put behind me and I will bring it back out when I need to attend to the matter.
Still haven't found a job. The state is shut down, so looking on the local job website isn't helping me. I keep an eye on the newspaper and send my CV and resume in to whatever jobs I can do. C is trying to get me a job where he works, as a cashier. It's not fabulous, and I've worked there before (and I know they suck), but a job is a job. Cashiering isn't that hard, and the pay would be more than minimum wage. Put my application in (for a second time) about a week and a half ago... Still waiting to hear back. 
Sewing... well... it was going, it went, and then it stopped. I finished the costume for Master Evan (for the most part) but I haven't done anything since. I discovered our sewing machine is broke, so making larger items is going to be a bit difficult and I just haven't mustered the willpower to tackle it.
D&D is going well. C's other sister has joined us last week. Time travel and pirates and proposals, oh my! Tomorrow is our next session (I think).


Now... For the event you all have been waiting for...


I'm sitting at C's computer today, getting ready to play LoL. He has Chrome installed, but I use his Internet Explorer so that I don't log him out of the same sites that we use. Go to the search bar and start to type in league (for league of legends). Something in the History pops up in the drop-down menu, a blog. By the name, I figured it was a Darknester (for those that don't know what that is, please don't Google and try to find out. And if you do, I don't wanna hear any shit from anyone. My life, will do with it as I please.) so I click on it. It gives me a "You must be 18 or older to view", so now I really think it's a Darknest blog and I'm interested. There are only two entries, I see. I click the first of the two and begin to read. No, it's not a Darknest blog, but as I read, everything seems familiar... I continue to read, out of curiosity (I've come this far, might as well finish). No names of people are mentioned, but from an outsider's view, it would appear to be the blog of someone named 'Jewel' who is talking about their 'Master' and how they lived in California together and then she moved to Florida and he moved to Minnesota and lost contact. And how she pines for him, longs and yearns for him, the whole shebang. 
At this point, I know exactly who both people are. 'Master' is C. 'Jewel' is the little skank bitch of an ex-girlfriend, who will we call R.  
I continue reading, and it goes on to detail that she found one of his friends, N, on Facebook, and through N, C. She says how incredibly excited she is and how she messages him immediately "OMG hey babe!" She then goes on to say that she looked at his profile and it said "In a Relationship with K" (me) and that in their discussions, they both shared how unhappy each was in their relationships and how he wanted her back, but each was staying in their current relationships for sake of ease at the moment, but in the future, they would find a way to be together.
End of post one.
Now... I'm furious. Fuming, like a cappuccino of anger. When we broke up, I found out that he had been unhappy in our relationship since we were in Florida. Awesome. Whatever. After we broke up, I found out that he had been venting to everyone but me about our relationship, and getting a little too cozy a lot too soon with one of the people he was venting to (some bitch in our WoW guild, who I promptly told off in such a fashion, it would make a Shanaynay be proud, and then ran her out of the guild). This miscommunication problem I think is something that led to our break up in the first place but again, whatever.  
I move to the second post because again, come this far, why would I turn back? The itching curiosity would be enough to kill me. This post was two days later. This one talks about how much she misses him, wants him, dreams of him, etc. And... details of a phone conversation between the two. I looked at the date. November 17th, 2010. A Wednesday. Now, I remember back to last November and our work schedules. Often times, I was scheduled for Wednesdays and he would have them off. She talks of the conversation detailing them catching up and what not. And then... the topic veers downhill... Here is an excerpt of the blog.  


"Eventually the conversation turned, as it was almost certain to do with two adults who loved each other talking, to more intimate topics. I won't get into exact specifics but Master and I spoke of what we wished to do with one another right in that moment and spoke of it in a most detailed fashion. Needless to I found myself very aroused, this time when I moved to the couch the phone didn't cut out at least not right away. Master instructed me to begin fondling myself and I complied, making sure the phone was in a position that he could hear the noises I made. Sadly my phone eventually lost power and died. I got back on the computer and talked to Master for a little while longer, he instructed me to get myself off before I went to bed. I began to touch myself in earnst then, eager to get off as much as to please Master. After I had orgasmed I told Master and typed up a naughty scenerio for him to help him reach his own peak. When Master had cum he instructed me to go to bed. I was shocked to find it was 6 o'clock in the morning."


If that isn't evidence enough, I don't know what is. Now before... the thing with his ex, K... While everything seemed really, really bad, I can look back now and "almost" understand his reasoning. That incident is long gone; he was confronted (multiple times), I cried, he cried, he apologized, it's done. But this... There is NO reason for this. NONE. WHAT SO FUCKING EVER.  If this had happened, yanno, after the break up on February 13, then I would have nothing to bitch about. I had sexual conversations with people after the break up too (nothing in this extent, mind you) so that's not a big deal. BUT IT TOOK PLACE IN NOVEMBER! WE WERE STILL VERY MUCH DATING THEN! 
And looking back... I remember that there would be nights were I would go to bed alone, and wake up every few hours looking for him, and then him coming in quietly, sneaking in the bed in the twilight hours... And now.. it all makes sense why he did it... And why he got so upset when I chose to stay up late with him, or go to sleep and wake back up and stay up.


So now I pose you a question... 
What do I do?

Emotionally Fucked

Mood:  Upset
Listening to: League of Legends dubstep mix 
Reading: Dragonriders of Pern
Watching: Deathnote
Playing: -
Eating: -
Drinking: -



First off, I'd like to say that I HATE the font selection for this thing. I really do. They're all pain. I really feel that the type of font you use can help convey messages. And when it's all bland like the options given, there really isn't enough umph to a message. 


Anyways. 


Today, I am very upset. I can already tell that this is going to be a very bad cycle for me because I broke down in hysterical tears on the way home from picking C up because I was telling him about how frustrated I was all day and he said (jokingly) that he didn't wanna hear it, that I didn't work all day and deal with the shit that he did. Well I certainly didn't take it in a joking manner and thus, the waterworks commenced. I really didn't have a grip on myself. Couple that with the fact that my wisdom teeth were going wild yesterday and I wanted to slash my gums open and take the demon teeth out myself, and you have a pretty unhappy Wynter. (On that note, I plan on trying to visit a dentist on Friday, or whenever they have an opening, hopefully get something for the pain and a referral to an oral surgeon for removal of the teeth.) 


So, a little background really quick (even though I covered some of it in a previous entry). I graduated with high honors from high school and had my choice at pretty much any college I wanted (within reason, of course). I decided to enroll at Florida Southern College (a pretty prestigious college in that area, and in the country actually) in the education program (I was a Hollis scholar, one of only 12). My first semester went great. I fucking loved college life. Then my dad died in January and life was pretty much turned upside down. My work was slipping, grades were slipping, I took to drowning myself with the only thing that helped me shut out reality - World of Warcraft. Now you're probably laughing at me and calling me a nerd or whatever. Yah, I know. But WoW was where my friends were. My real life friends weren't really of any support or help to me (there were the very few exceptions, but for the most part, I got my support from friends in-game) so I went to the only place that I felt safe.  This is actually where I (re)met C, and he was a big player in helping me along in this time period. 
Anyways, getting off-topic. I came to the realization that (at that point in life) I didn't want to teach, that I wanted to cook. And I was upset with the fact that I was having to take a bunch of bullshit classes just to be a teacher (like the stupid desktop publishing design class that I hated). So I finished out the year (kind of) and withdrew. Moved to Minnesota and things have been kinda rocky. I'm in debt from going to FSC (I wouldn't be had my inheritance not been stolen from me) so I can't take out any loans, so I'm kinda stuck with FAFSA. Until recently, I wasn't aware that the closest college (almost an hour away) offered a few online courses. So I'm jumping at the opportunity to get back in school -- it will help me to get jobs and give me something to do. 
Except, by FAFSA's rules, I'm still a dependent on my female parental unit, even though I haven't really lived with her in two years and I'm of legal age in every other aspect. And since she and I aren't really in speaking terms, getting information from here is very... tense. (She did some pretty unforgivable things to be that I can't and refuse to look past.) So for the past two weeks, I've been going round and round with her, trying to get the information. And if it's not one thing, it's another with her. "Oh my power cord for my computer broke." "Visit your brother's FAFSA and get my info." -visit his and see that it hasn't even been filled out for this year- 


Really? C'mon now, you took enough from me, you stupid bitch, at least give me the ability to try to go back to school. 

Blah

Yah, I didn't post yesterday, and today's post is going to be noticeably shorter than usual. Almost done on Master Evan's costume; just have to sew in the hooks and eyes on the back and connect the pant legs. Will prolly do that tonight or tomorrow. I'm trying to make it last as long as I can since I don't really have anything else to work on. Maybe a dress for Bunny (a build-a-bear bunny I gave C for our first Valentine's Day), not sure yet. I gotta get mom to take some time to show me how to work the sewing machine; I've really only ever used one once and it was a different brand and had a manual. Once I have that down and I get some thread, buttons, boning, and grommets, I can start with my bodice and skirt, providing I can lift the stains from the fabric. >.<;; 


Pretty tired today. Found this video on Infinite Looper with relaxing rain sounds that I used yesterday and last night to sleep; works pretty well. Except for some reason, I can't stay asleep to save my life. So I've been awake since day break or so. But I can't sleep because I have to go grocery shopping today with dad. Ugh. </3 life some days. 


Still nothing on the job search. Also, gotta call Human Resources at some point and find out wtf is going on with my health insurance cards, since I was approved and everything but haven't received them, and therefore can't visit a doctor or dentist. Not that I'm looking forward to either visit...


Anywho... Gonna go veg on the couch or something and wait for dad to get up and get ready.

Accomplished

Mood: In a lot of pain
Listening to: Nature
Reading: Dragonriders of Pern
Watching: My kittens cuddle each other at the foot of the bed and look out the window at birds
Playing: -
Eating: -
Drinking: -


Well, I pretty much did everything that I set out to yesterday. I cleaned the entire bedroom and swept it, organized practically everything in the room, did all the laundry (I left one load down in the dryer because I was in too much pain yesterday to go down and get it), sorted out my clothes and put aside things that I don't want anymore, made a few nifty discoveries while cleaning, COMPLETELY cleaned out under the bed (and boy, was there a lot!), and brought my stuff in from the mudroom to put underneath the newly cleaned bed so that wandering eyes and hands aren't tempted to go through it (not that *anyone* would *ever* do that...). 
I didn't quite get everything done that I wanted to, but I was forced to stop because A) I needed to shower and go pick up C and B) the pinched nerve in my back drastically worsened from all the bending, lifting, stretching, and other weird angles I put myself in to clean yesterday (especially pulling stuff out from under the bed). So last night after we laid down to watch the last episode of Law and Order: SVU last night, I had C work on my back. I'm not sure whether he made it better or not. I'm in a helluva lot of pain this morning from all the pressure he put on it and the pinch is still there. He also discovered a whole nest of crunchy bits (knots and calcium build-ups) in the muscles next to my scapula. And when he pressed hard and tried to work it all out, I was in tears. Literally. Like, crying really loud and really hard because of how bad my back hurt. His sister came to the door to make sure I was OK because I guess they could hear me all the way in the living room and den (over TV and Ventrilo). Yah. It hurts. A fuckton. A metric fuckton. So getting things finished today is going to suck... and I have to go grocery shopping before I go pick him up. 
On a bright note, after work yesterday, C bought me a new pair of scissors (/cheer!) for my sewing. The nifty discoveries I made yesterday? Stuff for sewing! A bunch of velvet scraps, two brand new boxes of pins, a few containers of pearl beads, and an AMAZING piece of pink satin (and there's a LOT of it). So I've started a project with the pieces of velvet. I have a teddy bear that C bought me the first winter I was here. When we went to the Ren Faire for my birthday that year, I bought a cute little baby jester hat. Well, I don't have a baby, so I put it on my bear and named him Master Evan (after this REALLY flamboyant, openly gay man I knew in the SCA). I've always wanted to make clothing for him, but never had the stuff to do it... UNTIL NOW! So that's what I started on after dinner last night. I finished both of his sleeves, and started on a pant leg. I've got those cut and pinned together for me to sew (I'm doing it all by hand), but I'm having an issue with the body suit part. And then the issue of how I'm going to put the clothes on him and keep them there. I'm considering buttons (because buttons are easy) but I'm not sure yet. It will definitely be a work in progress. And when I'm finished, I'll post it on dA and give a link here. And the pink fabric? Well... -taps fingers together like a villain- I have plans for that... That will come WAY later down the line, but oh, do I have plans for that...

TGIF

Mood: In pain (bad sleep, pinched nerve or something in the neck/back area, and feeling sick)

Listening to: Random playlist (with, surprisingly, a bunch of good songs)

Reading: Dragonriders of Pern

Watching: My kittens sleep at my feet

Playing: -

Eating: Cinnamon roll

Drinking: Milk

Not really though. Friday's don't really signify anything big. I still have to get up to take C to work on Saturdays (not Sundays though!). 

So uhm.. about my last post. Yeaaaahh... That was just a major meltdown on my part. I was just really upset and needed somewhere to vent so that I didn't upset C (even though the minute he walked in the room he knew I was upset). Things are OK now. He worked things out and crunched numbers and reassured me that (as always) things would be OK. And that once I start working, even if it's not until we move, we'll be even more OK. We're not going to have as much money saved up as we originally thought, but we'll make due. S'what Craigslist/yard sales/thrift stores are for. 

So yesterday was C's day off. So we FINALLY got to play D&D, which was great fun. I found out that basically I am the cause of the whole plot. I mean, not really, but mostly. It's actually my twin sister that I never knew I had until some really weird guys in robes with no left hands tried to touch me and worship me and say that I was the anointed one. And then Kaen (C) and I basically dropped kicked them all (well, we punched them, but still). And then Jade (who's real name is Kalysto Tisiphone) found out all this HUGE stuff about Kaen's past that he never told her in all her 13 years of being raised by him, and now she's pretty pissed. Like... she pretty much blew up at him and was like "I can't trust you now" and he's REALLY mind-fucked because he found out he's the reason the world exploded (OK not the ENTIRE world, but an entire continent). And now Kaen is all crazy and depressed and doesn't know what to do, which is bad, because as mad as Jade is at him, he is all she's ever known and basically when he says jump, she asks "How high?" on the way up (he was a little rough and disciplined in her raising) so when he said "I don't know what we're gonna do" she's like o.O. Plus, there's Heather's character, who Jade DOES NOT like (wrongful accusation, albeit she truly thought it was me) who is stuck with Jade and Kaen because of destiny or some crap. So before Sunday (hopefully that's when we play again) C and I need to figure out what the hell we're gonna do. I specifically chose to play a child (well, she's 15) and someone not in a leadership position for a reason in this campaign (because since I've usually played a solo campaign or with C's two sisters, I've had to be party lead), but it looks like I'm going to have to temporarily take up the mantle of leading the party until Kaen regains some sanity. 

So, uh, I think I'm getting sick. I've felt it for a few days now, but it's really hitting me. Developing a slight cough and I'm achy, and lack of sleep seems to be affecting me more than usual. Mehhh. 

My goals for the day (after I eat breakfast and go back to sleep that is) - this bedroom is getting deep cleaned. It feels like there's SO much to do. I cleaned and organized the closet earlier this week, but now I have everything else. I'm probably even going to delve into the monster under the bed and get all that crap out (granted, none of that is ours; it's his parents and it's just being stored in here). So I guess that means I should eat and sleep, and wake up and get to work!

Money...

I love not having it. No, really. I thoroughly enjoy not being able to buy something when I see it, no matter how big or small. I adore not being able to take my kittens to the vet when I know that they're way past due for a visit. I love having to wear the same clothes that I've had since I was in high school; the only time I've got new clothes in the past three years was when it was an absolute necessity, and that was two pairs of work pants because the pair that I had was sewn and patched too many times to count and I just couldn't fix them anymore, two bra's because my breasts had LONG outgrown any bra that I owned at the time (and the only reason I got two was because they were on a really good sale), and a pair of tennis shoes because the ones that I had I had wore since my junior year in high school (I graduated on June of 2008) and they were literally falling apart at the seams.
So you're probably saying, "Go get a job then and stop yer bitchin'!" Yah, well, that's a lot easier said than done. You see, I live in a little tiny village called Frost. The closest town is about 25 miles away, and that only has ~3000 people in it. There's almost nothing there. There are two towns about 45 minutes away in each direction that boast a ~10,000 population. There are more stores and what not there. However, we then come to the next big issue - transportation. I don't have a vehicle, and nor does C. We're currently using his parents truck to ferry him back and forth to work. He works 7-4 every day except Thur and Sun in the town 25 miles away. His mom works in the town 45 minutes away in the opposite direction; her days vary, but the hours are 8-2. So, on days that she works, I have to rush to get C to work and get back here so she can take the truck, and when she gets back ~3 PM, I have about 30 minutes before I have to leave to get C. 
C has worked at this job 11 days. His mom did the math on how much he owes for gas. $300. His check was only $425. We also have to pay rent, $100 each. We're trying to save up to get our own car and for our apartment that we're moving into in September or October. Now, tell me how we're going to do that when he pays $150/week in gas, and $200/month in rent? Exactly. 
Now, back to what I was saying. If I was to get a job, it would HAVE to be a night job, since it would just be part time and I couldn't jeopardize transportation for those two. Unless it was an EXTREMELY well paying job, I'd be working for nothing, since the vast majority, if not all, of my paycheck would be paying for the gas to get me to and from work. So getting a job is out of the question until we move into town. I know it, C knows it. Neither of us really wanna come to terms with it because, well, I really should have a job and pull my own weight. Besides the fact, I really hate not being to support myself and I hate seeing something and not being able to buy it, just because I want it. Or hell, knowing that I really need something, like for instance, the fact that I've been using the same razor blade to shave for AT LEAST a year. Yes, I need new blades. But that's $15 that I don't have. I have two 7 month old kittens. They really need to be fixed, because they're going to go into heat soon (I'm surprised that they haven't yet) and I dealt with one kitten in heat last year when we had our own home. I can only imagine what it's going to be like dealing with TWO kittens in heat in ONE TINY LITTLE BEDROOM. But again... that's $170 that I don't have, and can't just pull out of thin air. I applied for state-issued health insurance and was approved. However, there are co-pays for visits and prescriptions. I have some serious dental problems that I know I need worked on, because I'm fairly positive that that's the reason I get some of my monstrous migraines. But, again with the 'that's just money that I don't have' thing. 
I hate life some days. I really, really do. I'm a failure of a person. I can't do anything worth a damn, I can't get a hold or even hold one down, there is nothing special about me to employers because I have no school or certifications or experience in anything. I can't even provide for a couple of kittens; how the fuck am I going to handle a child, because, yanno, I'd like one of those one day. 
Everyone had such big dreams for me as I was growing up and going through school. I had big dreams for me. I had my life all laid out. I was going to graduate from high school with high honors, go to the college of my choosing, get a degree in something I wanted to do, get a career and do that a few years, get married to some successful man, have a kid or two, become a stay at home mom with a part time job and watch my kids grow up and dedicate to them like my parents didn't do to me. 
Well... I did the first two things with enough ease. But then I dropped out. I was unhappy. I was stressed beyond belief, due to the fact that I was unhappy, and other factors in my family. I didn't feel like I was going anywhere. Now where am I? Ten thousand dollars in debt due to a stupid cunt of a mother with no schooling, relying on the support a guy that I dated for two years and gave up everything for because I thought he was something special and was going to be the one.
Yah, look how great I turned out to be. 

No juice in the batteries

Mood: Too tired to care about anything
Listening to: The many fans surrounding me
Reading: Dragonriders of Pern
Watching: The backs of my eyelids soon
Playing: -
Eating: Mint chocolate chip cookies
Drinking: Milk


Another restless night. Another exhausting day. I don't know what's doing this, but my ability to sleep through the night has been revoked, and in its place a slew of strange dreams. It's been going on for quite some time now; the heat of the past few days has just worsened it. Driving this morning was a feat of strength... Mental strength, that is. I had to literally put all of my focus into staying awake and in my lane. I'm going to try to start doing a few things to see if it'll help me to fall asleep (chamomile tea, hot milk and honey, going to sleep when I'm tired instead of pushing for midnight, etc) and if nothing else, go make my bed out in the mudroom (kinda like a porch/sun-room) on the futon and see if having my own sleeping spot will help at all. Not that I *want* to go out there or anything, but I can't keep going on like this.


Speaking of the heat, it reached 102 degrees yesterday. Seriously? The first week of June and it's 102 degrees. Absofuckinglutely ridiculous. Especially when there's no AC. It was so hot, the fans that were blowing on me felt like they were blowing hot air. It was so hot that when I made lunch, the jar of pasta sauce that I set on the counter was warmed by the time the pasta was done cooking. It was fucking hot. Hopefully though... temperatures are supposed to drop the rest of the week and no more of this stupid Tartarus on Earth bullshit. 


No seriously... I'm exhausted. It's kinda cool this morning too, so hopefully I'll actually be able to nap, unlike the past few days. -sigh- Unless, of course, C calls and says to come pick him up from work early because of his knee. I could throttle him some days... Oh, and not only am I not sleeping well, but when I do actually sleep, I am plagued with the strangest of dreams. Like... I can't remember them once I wake up; all I remember is that they were really fucking weird. Like last night... I dreamed about the Titanic, except it was modern day. Except I knew that the ship was going to go down before I even stepped foot on it, and no one would believe me. And then they said it was too heavy, so they started throwing baggage and passengers of 3rd class off. Yes, off, like right in the ocean, like man overboard off. Really. Freaking. Weird.


Anywho, that's all for me, for now at least. Going to dreamland, this time hopefully without Titanic.

Hello, Introduction, Heat Rant, Etc.

Mood: Sleepy as fuck

Listening to: Edward Maya - Stereolove (aka Accordian Song)

Reading: Dragonriders of Pern

Watching: -

Playing: Vampire Wars

Eating: -

Drinking: -

Hai there! I am Wynter, and this is my blog, obviously! 

Not really gonna launch into full life details, but if you wanna know about me, there's this really nifty little button to the right, it says something to the effect of 'View My Profile'. You can learn about what I do/like/watch/listen to and all that other jazz. 

Now that that's out of the way!

So... I literally got two hours of sleep last night... Maybe 3. There is an INCREDIBLE heat streak going through where I live (and the whole US, I believe) and living with 5 other people with many computers/gaming systems/TV's/other heat generating devices and NO air conditioning does nothing for you mood or your ability to sleep. Especially since I share a room with my friend (it's my ex-boyfriend, but we're not dating at the moment) and we only have a twin-sized bed.  Believe me... it sucks beyond imagination. So when it's hot, I usually don't want to do much of anything (I mean, who does? When it's 100 degrees who wants to really go and do family activities, or walk to the park or much of anything else? I know that I surely don't.) and now that I'm lacking a full  nights sleep, I really really don't want to do anything. So after this, I'm pretty much going to get comfy, tell my kittens to not jump and play all over me (not like they listen or anything), put a pillow over my head to block out light/sounds/anything else, and crash. 

Actually, that's pretty much how my days go regardless if I get sleep at night. I just feel a stronger need for the sleep today than normal. Heat makes for a very unhappy Wynter, and a hot, sticky, cranky, sleep-deprived Wynter is not a fun thing to be around. Anyways... I was talking about my schedule. It's pretty much the same thing, every day, not much variance. Basically looks like this...

6 AM - Wake up, make breakfast for C, make his lunch for work, take him to work.

7 AM - Come home, play around on Facebook, check emails, do other things on the computer til I get tired which is usually within an hour or two.

8-9 AM - Go back to sleep. Most of the time it's not actually deep, restful sleep, but more nap-like.

11 AM-12 PM - Wake up. Usually it's around 11.30 or so. And it's actually getting up, not waking up. I can be a pretty light sleeper in the day time.

12 PM - Fix something to eat (since this is usually the first time in the day that I eat) and then <insert random activity> until 3.30 PM. I'll read, play with my kittens, clean and organize, watch anime, play on my silly Facebook apps, and/or play League of Legends. 

3.30 PM - Go pick up C from work.

5 PM - Again, it varies, but C and I will usually watch something on Netflix that we can kinda just leave on in the background while we do other things. A few times a week, we play D&D with his family. We eat dinner sometime in this time frame, and then when it gets a little later, we change our Netflix to something we actually focus on. 

11 PM-12 AM - Bed time. 

Aaaaand that's pretty  much how every day works. Pretty fun, right?
Not really. 

I get bored a lot (not having something to take up a huge chunk of my day like a job or school tends to do that). Up til a few weeks ago, the schedule was basically [wake up > eat breakfast > get on WoW > play WoW all day until I need to do something else (laundry, dinner, take care of animals, etc.) > raid at night (was previously raiding 5 nights a week in two different guilds) > play League of Legends until the way wee hours of the morning > bed sometime around 4 or 5]. I try to be a little more productive now. My morning schedule will change a little here soon when I can get the bike fixed and can start biking around town (now, keep in mind, 'town' is actually a village of 250 people. You could walk from one side to the other in probably 20 minutes or so) so I'll get less extra sleep time. Or just not get on the computer in the morning; I haven't decided yet. 

So I guess that's it for this time, folks. I'm verah sleepy and I'm finding it difficult to keep focus on much of anything right now. Sleepy time, here I come!