Mood: Upset
Listening to: Some trance Pandora station
Reading: Mists of Avalon
Watching: -
Playing: -
Eating: -
Drinking: Water


I am so incredibly sad today. No, it's not because of 9/11. And this is probably all amplified by the fact that I have legendary PMS.
C swears that we will never have children. He used to. When he was with his ex, H, they planned out everything - wedding, honeymoon, children, their entire lives. But with me... he sticks to his guns that we will never have children and if by some freak chance that it happens, there will be only two options - abortion or adoption. 
I spoke with his mother about this this the other day when we went shopping. She says that he's just young and selfish and that once he grows up and gets away from his sisters for good, things will change.
But we had an argument about something his mom did/said to his sister. I agreed with her, he didn't. And as we sat and debated/argued (I don't even know the difference with us anymore) I asked what we would do if it ever came down to our kid and he said that wouldn't happen. I stated that we're speaking in a purely hypothetical world and he said that my argument was totally invalid because we were never going to have children, at all, whatsoever. 
And at that point, I wanted to cry.
I'm not saying that I want to go and get pregnant right now, because I don't. I know that neither one of us are ready for a child (mentally, emotionally, financially). But at some point in my life... I'd like to have a kid. But if he stays his ground, I'll never have one.
I'm trying really hard to keep a poker face and not break down into tears, because this is really hurting me. But I can't let him know, because that will just spark a fight all on its own and that's one of the reasons that we broke up before...
Guess I just have to suck it up and deal.