Yeah, that's what should have happened last night. Because this shit is amazing. I can't believe I haven't thought of this before. And this all happened because of a pin I saw, which I will kindly post for you all.
Now for those of you not versed in anime, these are clips from Full Metal Alchemist (or better known as FMA). Cliff Notes: It's a show about two children who practice alchemy (child prodigies, really) and who disobeyed one of the no no's of alchemy of not being able to bring back the dead. They tried to bring back their mother and the results were disastrous. The main rule of practicing alchemy is equivalent exchange - You cannot gain something without giving something. It must equal out. It's the rule of the universe, really. The kids ended up losing one of their bodies (his soul embodies a suit of armor) and an arm and a leg, which are later made of automail by another character, Winry, hence the names Full Metal Alchemist. (Hrm... that makes me think of something else... Chris named his new acquired kitten Winry. Oh universe, you are sneaky, indeed.)
Anyways. The point of this is the equivalent exchange bit, which essentially is what the picture is going over. If you think about it, it really is how the universe. Everything comes with a price (which just made me realize that's essentially Rumpelstiltskin from Once Upon a Time in invoking the rule of equivalent exchange all the time...). Nothing is ever free. You always have to give something or work for it or something.
And it's funny, you would have thought that this would have smacked me before, since I am a fan of FMA and Chris and I used to ALWAYS joke about EE (for example, if he asked me to do something, I'd say what's the EE of it and some such; it was a big inside joke with us), but last night I was feeling particularly reflective. It's been nearly a year since Christopher and I went our ways. January 28 will mark the day to a year. So naturally I would be being reflective and thinking about everything the last year has brought me. And I have a friend that I'm trying to help through a crisis and it's giving me a lot of perspective as well. And of course, talking to mom always helps too (we went shopping in a town ~an hour away, so we had a long time to talk yesterday).
So. I'm browsing Pinterest and I see this pin. And I read it. And again. And again. It's hit me already, the first time I read it, but I feel the need to reaffirm what I'm reading as this realization is dawning over me. This whole thing... it's the universe enacting the rule of equivalent exchange. There are lessons that I've learned and they HAD to be painful for me to learn them, otherwise I wouldn't have understood the point. We all have them in our lives, lessons are meant to be painful so that the point is beaten into your head. I've had to make plenty of sacrifices, gods know I have, to get where I am. Losing everything, my cats, my home, my security, my partner and best friend, my other best friend, only to get most of them back at a later time. I had to sacrifice and give up those things to be able to work on me. I've endured the pain and yanno what? I have walked away from it. It creeps up on me from time to time and I give in, but only temporarily. I no longer let it rule my life. And finally, this has made me stronger on all fronts.
I'm able to stand on my own financially (I stumble and fall sometimes, but I pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on trucking), which was a huge thing for me. I'm me; I honestly don't think that I've ever been ME. For the longest time, I was striving to be what Kristie (my biological mother) and Barry (my step-dad) wanted me to be. And then I was trying to be what Bryant (my first long-term boyfriend) wanted me to be. And then I was trying to be what Christopher wanted me to be. Or what I -thought- he wanted me to be. He never wanted that. He never wanted the Ditto me. He wanted the original me (Yes, I just used a Pokemon reference, deal with it. /equip sunglasses). I've learned to deal with my melt downs and because such, I don't have them nearly as often. This usually consists of me curling up in bed with Amy and Rory (stuffed animals), a glass of wine, some sweets, and TV, usually of the BBC sort (fucking BBC...). I could keep going with all the growth that I've had, but it's really not necessary (random note: It took me YEARS to learn how to spell that word right, and it only happened within the last few years...). The point is here.
I had to give up so many things to gain what I have. And... I have this sneaky suspicion the Powers That Be aren't finished with me yet... There's gotta be a grand present in the end for making it through, right?
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