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Yes. 

That is exactly how I feel right now.

OK, maybe not -exactly- but pretty damn close. 

I am still struggling with my feelings and thoughts for Chris. They're haunting me. I think about him when I'm awake. I think about him when I want to think about him. I think about him when I don't want to think about him. I'm even dreaming about him. 

This is getting out of hand, folks. 

What in the name of the gods and all things sacred is wrong with me!? 

Ridiculous, I tell you. Rigoddamndiculous. 

It's so sad... I can't help it, because it's been a habit of nearly two years but every day at 3 PM (which would be 4 PM central) I think to myself "Hm. Chris will be home soon." I wonder what he's doing, how his raiding is going, if he's still playing League, if he finished Voyager and if so what he's watching now, if he ever went and found a new damn stick, how things at work are going for him, etc. I ponder if things will work out with him and Sarah, what he's going to do if they don't, where will he move to, will he come back to Minnesota, will he and I ever get another chance, will he still want me when it's all said and done, will -I- still want him when I'm finished with my transformation (random side note here: I pictured myself doing the whole Sailor Moon transformation when I was typing that). The harder I try to NOT think about it, the more I do. These thoughts creep into my mind; no, they slink, like a little, sneaky cat. The slink when I'm otherwise occupied and when I'm finished with my task it's like 'BOOM, CHRISTOPHER!' Or when my mind is just randomly running with thoughts, I somehow find a way to link them back to him.

It's enough to make you go mad. Hell, I'm already crazy (I think I was born there; I never stood a chance) and this is just worsening the madness. 

(Another random side note: When the hell did I start getting so many damn pageviews? It was like one a week and now I'm getting upwards of ten or more a day some days. o_O Dafuq?)

Anyways... Chris. In my head. Where he's been for the past four years and is somehow STILL HERE (which, granted... is because I still want him here, BUT STILL!). Yes. It's obnoxious. And annoying. Irritating. Frustrating. Saddening. Heartbreaking. Enough to make me scream 'til my lungs give out.