Home Sweet Home

Where to start... 

I'm home, obviously. We got in late Saturday night. Long drive was long (longer even because someone got us temporarily lost lol), but we made it. 

I wish I would have been awake enough to make this post last night when I was thinking about everything. @_@ Oh well. Sunday was spent setting up the garden with the family, generally spending time together, and then mom and I went into town to get her Mother's Day present from Chris. He invited me in until mom got done with all her errands she needed to do. I was very apprehensive about it and double checked to make sure it was OK with him (I know, HE invited me, of course he's OK with it) but I spent about 45 minutes there, playing with the cats. We talked, kinda, and he showed me silly videos and stuff on YouTube and a new game I'm going to check out. I was alright. Granted there was some tension and awkward silence floating around but it was to be expected. It was great to see my girls again and to know that they remember me. I can't wait to have them back for good.

I went in to town for most of the day yesterday and did all that errand running stuff. Opened up my own bank accounts; going to the bank was bittersweet. I was greeted by first name (like always) by everyone and they were all "Oh my, you're back! Welcome home! How are you, where did you go, how are things going?" And then the words that hit me like a ton of bricks and made me use all my willpower to plaster on a smile - "So since you're back you and Chris are getting back together then!" -sigh- No... Not quite. I was a trooper about it though. 
I went to the doctor yesterday as well about my leg. I'm off the Neurontin and he gave me Lidocaine (sp?) patches to put on and see if they help. I have to go back in a month and update him and if they don't work we're trying a new medication that will help with my pain, my depression, and my sleep problems (well, the ones that make it hard to fall and stay asleep). On that note, I'm am totally off my Prozac now. Yay! Also, apparently I haven't -lost- any weight... I must have lost it and gained muscle because I KNOW I'm smaller than I was before; not by much but I can fit into clothes I couldn't before.
Went job hunting and all that fun stuff yesterday. Really hoping I get a callback this week about something. Anything right about now. Marketlink would be preferable but like I said I would take anything.

And then... I went and spent the afternoon with Chris and the cats. It was going pretty well, actually. He had me pull up a chair to his desk (which I found out he's leaving me) and he showed me the amazingness of Guild Wars 2. I HAVE to buy this game when I get the money. The ability to dye armor whenever you damn well please and the color palette are just astounding. I was very impressed with that. Things were going pretty good. And then.. he swapped over to Facebook and had this long message from Sarah. I wasn't TRYING to read it but I mean, I was close enough to the screen where I could make out words and such before I realized who it was and that I shouldn't be reading it so I buried my nose in my Kindle. And when I looked up to see if they were done, she asked him to call. And he did. I stepped out of the room and went and sat in the bathroom (I always did do most of my crying in there; it was a familiar setting). And even there I couldn't take it. I poked my head in his room and told him I was going outside for a bit (I hope the bitch heard me and knew I was there) and went down to the landing and cried. I really thought that I could handle this. I've been telling myself for a month now that I could handle it, that while I hated her guts (since I know WAY more about all of this than I should) that I could handle them being together. But I couldn't. I cried so hard outside and my make-up was smeared all to hell. He came down when he got done and told me he was ready to go to the store (I told him earlier on that I would take him to get some groceries) so I went back upstairs to get my purse and try to dry my eyes in the bathroom and clean the makeup away. We went to the store and I put up my bubble hoping to block him out and I seemed to be doing a good job. And then as we were shopping and he looked over at me he noticed my puffy, red eyes and smeared makeup. I knew he knew what was wrong but he insisted on asking anyways. I told him we could talk about it at his place, not at the store. So while he did dishes (man, I wish I could have had a camera for that) he dragged it out of me. I told him I was ready to be his friend without Sarah in the picture and the minute he started talking to her earlier that I lost it and realized I couldn't handle things. Not much he can do though... I can't just ask him to not talk to her when I'm there because that's not very fair and mature. We talked a little bit about that kind of stuff; he asked me to do a favor and not fall for one of the dumb as rocks farm fucks from Minnesota because I can do so much better than that and that I need better than that. I kinda laughed about it (since mom is passively trying to play matchmaker right now with others). I knew that I should have left after the store... But I was pushing my limits and trying to... what's the word I'm looking for... temper myself? I stayed until almost seven; we talked about games and movies and TV shows and such things. And then I went home. I had calmed down enough to where I wasn't a complete mess when I got there but it had all thoroughly exhausted me. 
On the note of Chris... it's kinda strange being home again only without him. I have SO many memories in this area - taking walks around Frost late at night and playing at the park here, having lunch at Double Play, D&D nights, seeing the cemetery and the little drive-way behind it on the drive from Frost to Blue Earth and remembering the times when we had stopped on the way home late at night and... well... you get the picture there. It's gonna take a lot of time to put those memories in a box.

I finally watched The Hobbit last night (or rather, watched some of it) before I was too tired to keep my eyes open; gonna finish it sometime today. 

Before I go, I'm going to mention that being in heels for two days is a killer on your body. I am SO sore from it. @_@