This was my first ever full time 40-hour work week. It's not even over and I'm exhausted. Not mentally, just physically. My body aches in places I didn't even know I could hurt. My feet and knees especially. Plus the paralyzed nerve in my left leg is deciding to attack with a vengeance. It's worse than it's ever been before and it's a terrible burden. I found a stash of the pills my neurologist prescribed to me in my purse so I've started taking one a day, as opposed to the two a day that I'm supposed to take. I need to ration them out since I can't very well visit him for a check up to get more. I wish I would have went and got a cortisone shot before I left too. Fuck.
I will be SO glad when tomorrow afternoon rolls around. Going to come home, take a nap, and then... veg out and play video games. Or RP. Or watch something. Fuck, I dunno. It'll be my weekend; I'll do whatever the hell I want. Tomorrow is also St. Patty's Day, so I'm going to try and be festive by dressing up. I bought white iridescent ribbons to go in my pigtails as well as a green headband with a pretty flower thingy on it. Gonna paint my nails and do green make up. I have no idea why I'm getting dressed up, I just am. DON'T JUDGE ME!
Got my first check today too. Wasn't much, since it was only for two days, but yay still! First check! Woohoo! Totally stoked for that. On the note of checks and working, my hours at work got changed, as did my position. Starting Wednesday (with the exception of next weekend only) I will be working 11-5 in the deli, making all the hot foods, sammiches, salads, and all those other noms we sell. I would prefer to be on the register... but -shrug- management is lame and is giving the chick that I replaced her hours back so I either take the deli or I lose my job. =/ They are shorter hours, which will be good for my leg, and I'll have a real weekend (meaning Sat/Sun). My next check should be around $500 so I'll be able to get things rolling as far as bills and savings go.
Things are still hard, and I still cry some days when I'm alone. I still get very sad and very lonely. It doesn't much help being the third wheel around here either. But I'm dealing. Things are getting better every day, even if it's just an ounce at a time. Spending four years with someone... you, without really meaning to, link them with random things. Like Swedish Fish. I want to cry every time I see a pack of them, because Chris and I used to do this cute thing with them. He would hold it above my head and I would be silly and waddle like a penguin for it. Hell, he even introduced me to them. And it happens with damn near everything; I see him everywhere and everything reminds me of him. I try to act like it doesn't bother me, but it does. I hate it, and some days I wish I could just erase all the memories. But memories are learning experiences. =/
Speaking of him, he returned from his trip. Fuck if I know what happened there, but he messaged me the night he got back (rudely awakening me from my sleep an hour and a half before I had to be up for work) to talk to me about our scouting mission to Wisconsin before we moved and about the cats. He apparently wants to know when I'll be coming so he can "make a timeline of life" or some shit like that. And he wants me to take all three of the girls. He says he doesn't want them separated, which I can understand, but before he was so gung-ho about me NOT taking the older girls and that I wouldn't take Anera from him come hell or high water. I'm still waiting for mom to find out what the fuck is going on... the waiting is killing me.
Having fun with Nick and playing The Secret World. Currently watching him stream Mass Effect for me. Is fun. ^_^ -sighs- And then yesterday... he went out of town to see his family and while we were texting, he randomly says "I miss you." I'm not caught off guard and made speechless very often, but that totally did it. I was like "Uhhh... fuck... what do I even say to this?" x_x I told him that I missed him too, which in truth I did because I wanted to play with him but couldn't since he was gone. I just... that was not what I was expecting him to say.
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