How Do You Deal With...

Mood: Numb
Listening to: YouTube
Reading: Ya-Ya's in Bloom (a sequel that's kind of a prequel to The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood)
Watching: Mortal Kombat machinima's (which are very good, if you're a fan)
Playing: League of Legends
Eating: Salad
Drinking: Fiji Water 


... that nasty six letter word? Yeah, you know which one I'm talking about. The one that everyone, no matter what race, gender, religion, or sexual orientation, dreads hearing. The word that can make someone drop to their knees in despair and cry to the heavens, demanding an answer.


Cancer.


No, I don't have it. My aunt does. We found out yesterday that my aunt has brain cancer. They thought the tumor they found was benign and that they would remove it and she would be OK. But then the surgery revealed it was malignant. This is as much as I know. I haven't heard anything back from my family concerning her test results yet, like what her chances are, how far it's spread, how long she has, etc. I did some research and a general survival rate for a white female is 33%... That's not a lot. I mean, it's 1/3, which is OK. It's good compared to some other terminal illnesses that are 1/8, 1/10, or 1/100. But still... 33% is harsh... And she's so young... Not even 30 yet. 
I broke down when I got the news. I was in complete hysterics, so much so I could barely form words. I was eating dinner, but the food was like tasteless mush in my mouth. I haven't spoke with her yet; she has my number and has been told to call me whenever she can. I'm afraid to talk to her. I don't know what to say to her. I don't want it to be one of those awkward conversations where we dance around the topic nervously, neither of us bringing it up and having those awkward pauses and silences, and when it does finally get brought up, breaking down into tears. I have to be strong for her; she needs it. 
Because of all this, I had to speak with my mother, whom I haven't spoken to in nearly a year. She tried to be nice and tell me she loved me and that I'm her baby girl and what not. Strange how family tragedy can make people forget/forgive past events. It was hard for me, because I didn't know what to say. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I loved her. I know I probably hurt her pretty bad when I did, but I'm not ready to forgive her yet. 
I don't know what to do. If something happens, and she passes, there's no way that I can go to the funeral. I'm half a country away, and quite broke. And possibly getting ready to start a new job. But I'll feel like a complete bitch if I don't go, should that event arise.


If anyone has any experience with this, please help me. And any prayers and good vibes that can be spared are muchly appreciated.