I cry at weddings...

Mood: Hot
Listening to: Nothing at the moment
Reading: -
Watching: -
Playing: -
Eating: Cookies and Cream poptarts
Drinking: Milk


... because I only wish that I could be as happy as them.

It may just be my moods are all out of wack because of PMS, it may be that the stars are out of line, or it may just be that I'm sad. Whatever it is, it really sucks and I'd like it to go away. The last few days I have been incredibly sad for a good portion of the day. And my mood is only made worse by songs that I hear on the radio (I still can't listen to that Kelly Clarkson song, 'Already Gone' without breaking down into hysterical tears) or things on TV. For instance, I'm watching Roswell right now, just got into season 3. Isobelle (spelling may be wrong, that's just how I prefer it) just got married. I sat there and cried at a stupid fictional wedding because it made me sad because they looked so happy. And then there's the episode where Maria breaks up with Michael (which, to be honest, I NEVER saw coming. They are so adorable together!). I cried during that too, because it was reminiscent of my break up with C. Also, during the previously mentioned wedding scene, I got really sad, because they had all their friends and family, from both sides, as weddings are prone to doing. It made me realize that if I am ever to get married, whether it be C or someone else, I won't have very many people to invite because I have alienated and distanced myself from the majority of the small family I did have and I'm severely lacking in the friend department, and if I do, chances are they can't come since they're all in Florida (or Pittsburg, as the case may be with my aunt and uncle). My "wedding" won't even be a real thing, and that is something to be greatly upset about.

Recently, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from Single to It's Complicated. When I found out all that shit about C and bitch-face R, I changed it back to Single. A mutual friend of C's and mine commented on it and was asking what happened. I told him that "It's Complicated" is just a fancy way of saying that you're not dating someone, just sleeping with them, and that I didn't want that tag. He said that he was under the impression that we were dating, and I told him that we were, for all intents and purposes, we just haven't made it technical and official. He was all "Oh, well I guess that's cool if you both are OK with it. It works for some people, not so much with others. But it's always nice to have that sense of security, just in case one person was to find someone else and leave the other out in the cold." At which point I became quite upset thinking about this because this time, I really would have *no where* to go. However, C's mom later reassured me that should something ever happen, I am staying here by her grace, not C's, and that I would be allowed to stay for however long I needed to until I got stable.

TL;DR - I'm tired of being single and it's starting to depress me.

Now... I love C's family to death. They've been more of a family to me than my flesh and blood has been in the last few years (since before I graduated, honestly). But some days... his sisters are enough to make the Pope cuss. H isn't so bad, she and I get along pretty well, but she is constantly in our room. And I feel rude telling her to GTFO, but c'mon now. I'm a 22 year old girl, I need my privacy. And having her in here all the time makes it REALLY hard to try and be intimate with C, because she's usually in here soon after we get home until 11 or so (on and off), and by that time, I'm getting pretty sleepy. I'm trying to play the role of "cool big sister" but there's comes a time when the line is crossed, yanno? And S, his other sister... She and I don't get along so well. I know you really shouldn't pick favourites within families (I know it's just a parent thing, but I still feel a little bad doing it) but H is definately my favourite of the two. I'm not sure what it is about S that clashes with me and makes me not like her. Call me a terrible, horrible person but it may be the fact that she has Aspergers Syndrome. It may be the fact that we don't have that much in common. It may be the fact that she tries WAY too hard (I really don't like people who try that hard, seems so fake to me). However, I can't be too open with my favouritism to H because then C's mom goes into Momma Bear mode and tears me a new one (been down that road before, don't wanna go back). But she does things that just send me straight to the fucking moon. She knows and has been told over and over and over and over again (at least since I've been here, I can't imagine how many times she was told before I moved in) NOT to touch any of C's things (and mine) without explicit permission from him or me. Whether it be one of our board games to a D&D book to using the gaming pencils outside of game sessions, she has been told to ask permission. Now, several times, I have found her drawing and feeding her obsession (a story for another time, C and I both strongly disapprove of it) to that boy with our pencils and paper, using the D&D books for only goddess knows what, taking the board games out to use with all her friends (she is INFAMOUS for losing game pieces), among other things. And we have told her time and time again to not do it. So this morning, I wake up and go out into the kitchen to get a butter knife to make C's lunch for him. As I'm walking though the living room, I see a yellow spiral notebook on the table, along with a bunch of her markers. I think "Hrm, I have a yellow notebook that I use for D&D..." I go over and flip it open and sure as shit, there are my notes. Along with one of the gaming pencils. And now, I'm furious. C is all "Calm down, I'll take care of it when I get home." Well that's all well and good, but I'm still entitled to be pissed off. And this isn't the first time. I've found articles of clothing in strange places. Now you're probably saying that laundry has a tendency to do that. But not when it's clothing that I haven't worn since I've been back in Minnesota. And these were pieces of clothing that I *know* that she was fond of (she commented on one of the shirts that I had worn in the winter time and said how pretty it was and when of my shirts was found in the girls' laundry, she told H that if I didn't claim it that she was going to). So anyways, this morning when I got home, I emptied out my small suitcase (where I happened to be keeping my bras, panties, and socks) and collected all of the D&D material and packed it all away. That way, none of it can be used without coming through me.

TL;DR - I can't fucking wait to get the hell outta here and into my own home.

Oh, and did I mention we're having an "Excessive Heat Warning" until Wednesday night? Yah, that's a surefire way for me to keep my temper under control. I really don't do well in the heat (I get incredibly frustrated and agitated) and coupled with my PMS, the smallest things are going to set me off. It's going to one hell of a long five days.