And today shall be...

Mood: Frustrated
Listening to: Country music
Reading: -
Watching: Wanting to watch Tangled
Playing: -
Eating: Craving PBJ
Drinking: Nothing, but want milk to go along with ^



... the day of rage.


For starters, the last two nights I've got jack shit for sleep. It's been a combination of the ridiculous heat/no AC/sleeping alone. I hate sleeping alone, with a passion. I've slept with the same person for the last two years (March - May was the exception and I slept really bad those entire two months); it's pretty hard adjusting, even if it's just for a night. But two larger people in a twin sized bed when it's 80 degrees is not fun. So C has been sleeping in the porch and letting me have the room. And coming home and trying to nap doesn't really help because the sun beams coming through the window right in my face. x.x
Second, we have fleas. Something terrible. I have bites all over my feet, ankles, and calves and I've managed to scratch some of them til they bled. Viani has scabs all over her neck from scratching. Now, if it was just Viani and Anera, it'd be no problem. Give 'em baths, slap collars on them, and put that carpet powder down. Viola! However, since we live with C's parents, we also have 7 other cats and two dogs that, obviously, go outside every few hours. Dealing with fleas is more like a never-ending war. If we give the girls a bath and treat our room, they'll just get the fleas back the minute they go out in the rest of the house. Flea collars will help a little, but since they've never wore collars, getting them to stay on is going to be a feat of patience. Of course, we could just put that carpet powder down everywhere and limit the exposure (more than we already do) the girls have to the house. However... that brings me to my next point.
Money. God, I hate money. I really do. With only Chris working, we're just barely breaking even every month. And I hate asking C for stuff that I need, but yanno... I hadn't been able to buy new panties in years... literally. Since I was in high school. And I was needing in a bad way. It was just $8 but still. I really need a new bra too, since I only have two that fit me (the other ones I wear I'm falling out of all the time). The kittens are going into heat and they need to see the vet. We need flea medicine. But it's all so expensive. The jobs gods hate me... C's boss is an idiot... She complained at the manager meeting that they need cashiers and for everyone to tell their friends and family to put apps in because she's tired of interviewing drug addicts. So both C's mom and I put our apps in. We haven't got calls back, even though we've called and bugged them. We're never going to be able to move out like this... 
Today has just been a mess. I couldn't sleep, so I woke up feeling like hell. I took C to work but by the time I got back, I was so exhausted I couldn't sleep. So I surf forums for a few hours til I feel slightly sleepy. Toss and turn for two hours or so and kind of get some sleep. Get up to go take a shower. Halfway through, the water turns ice cold. I rush to rinse off and get out, quite cross that now my sleep and shower have been disturbed. In my room, I dig through my suitcase to get some clothes. My shirt decided it was going to give me issues while I tried to put it on, so in a fit of rage, I fling my arm and somehow managed to take a chunk out of my chin and begin bleeding. At this point, I'm just furious. So I sit down and start to write this blog, turning on my country playlist. As I'm writing, the song Whiskey Lullaby comes on. I haven't heard this song is a *very* long time. I start bawling almost immediately because this song makes me think about my dad, who committed suicide two and a half years ago in the middle of my parents divorce. I haven't cried about him, or really even thought about him, since the one year anniversary of his death (which was a very bad day for me). 
And now I find out, of course, the one day I really want C to just come home after work and baby me, he can't because he has to go out with his dad and work on rental houses, which is gonna take a lot of the afternoon. 


I hate life some days.