Money...

I love not having it. No, really. I thoroughly enjoy not being able to buy something when I see it, no matter how big or small. I adore not being able to take my kittens to the vet when I know that they're way past due for a visit. I love having to wear the same clothes that I've had since I was in high school; the only time I've got new clothes in the past three years was when it was an absolute necessity, and that was two pairs of work pants because the pair that I had was sewn and patched too many times to count and I just couldn't fix them anymore, two bra's because my breasts had LONG outgrown any bra that I owned at the time (and the only reason I got two was because they were on a really good sale), and a pair of tennis shoes because the ones that I had I had wore since my junior year in high school (I graduated on June of 2008) and they were literally falling apart at the seams.
So you're probably saying, "Go get a job then and stop yer bitchin'!" Yah, well, that's a lot easier said than done. You see, I live in a little tiny village called Frost. The closest town is about 25 miles away, and that only has ~3000 people in it. There's almost nothing there. There are two towns about 45 minutes away in each direction that boast a ~10,000 population. There are more stores and what not there. However, we then come to the next big issue - transportation. I don't have a vehicle, and nor does C. We're currently using his parents truck to ferry him back and forth to work. He works 7-4 every day except Thur and Sun in the town 25 miles away. His mom works in the town 45 minutes away in the opposite direction; her days vary, but the hours are 8-2. So, on days that she works, I have to rush to get C to work and get back here so she can take the truck, and when she gets back ~3 PM, I have about 30 minutes before I have to leave to get C. 
C has worked at this job 11 days. His mom did the math on how much he owes for gas. $300. His check was only $425. We also have to pay rent, $100 each. We're trying to save up to get our own car and for our apartment that we're moving into in September or October. Now, tell me how we're going to do that when he pays $150/week in gas, and $200/month in rent? Exactly. 
Now, back to what I was saying. If I was to get a job, it would HAVE to be a night job, since it would just be part time and I couldn't jeopardize transportation for those two. Unless it was an EXTREMELY well paying job, I'd be working for nothing, since the vast majority, if not all, of my paycheck would be paying for the gas to get me to and from work. So getting a job is out of the question until we move into town. I know it, C knows it. Neither of us really wanna come to terms with it because, well, I really should have a job and pull my own weight. Besides the fact, I really hate not being to support myself and I hate seeing something and not being able to buy it, just because I want it. Or hell, knowing that I really need something, like for instance, the fact that I've been using the same razor blade to shave for AT LEAST a year. Yes, I need new blades. But that's $15 that I don't have. I have two 7 month old kittens. They really need to be fixed, because they're going to go into heat soon (I'm surprised that they haven't yet) and I dealt with one kitten in heat last year when we had our own home. I can only imagine what it's going to be like dealing with TWO kittens in heat in ONE TINY LITTLE BEDROOM. But again... that's $170 that I don't have, and can't just pull out of thin air. I applied for state-issued health insurance and was approved. However, there are co-pays for visits and prescriptions. I have some serious dental problems that I know I need worked on, because I'm fairly positive that that's the reason I get some of my monstrous migraines. But, again with the 'that's just money that I don't have' thing. 
I hate life some days. I really, really do. I'm a failure of a person. I can't do anything worth a damn, I can't get a hold or even hold one down, there is nothing special about me to employers because I have no school or certifications or experience in anything. I can't even provide for a couple of kittens; how the fuck am I going to handle a child, because, yanno, I'd like one of those one day. 
Everyone had such big dreams for me as I was growing up and going through school. I had big dreams for me. I had my life all laid out. I was going to graduate from high school with high honors, go to the college of my choosing, get a degree in something I wanted to do, get a career and do that a few years, get married to some successful man, have a kid or two, become a stay at home mom with a part time job and watch my kids grow up and dedicate to them like my parents didn't do to me. 
Well... I did the first two things with enough ease. But then I dropped out. I was unhappy. I was stressed beyond belief, due to the fact that I was unhappy, and other factors in my family. I didn't feel like I was going anywhere. Now where am I? Ten thousand dollars in debt due to a stupid cunt of a mother with no schooling, relying on the support a guy that I dated for two years and gave up everything for because I thought he was something special and was going to be the one.
Yah, look how great I turned out to be.