Hope

Today, dear readers, we're going to talk about hope. According to the dictionary, hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. We all hope, every day. We hope we have a good day at work or school, we hope for that promotion or to ace an exam, we hope that our plans for the weekend come through. Hell, we even hope for little things too, like we hope we don't hit every red light through town (not that I have that issue here since my town has no traffic lights) and for big things like hoping we find that special someone.

Hope is a huge part of the human condition. Hope is, in my opinion, a huge reason why we, as a species, keep going. The power of hope is tremendous; hoping is a thought process, thoughts are things, things with great power. There are many quotes out there regarding hope, such as the following:

"Moonlight drowns out all but the brightest stars.” - J.R.R. Tolkien
“Where there's life there's hope, and need of vittles.” - J.R.R. Tolkien
“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” - Albus Dumbledore

"Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope." - Leia Skywalker
"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vise versa, the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them uminportant." - Eleventh Doctor 

So. What have we learned here? All the greats have showed us that hope is a thing, a great thing. 

You're probably sitting here, asking me why I'm talking about hope. It's a little different than my usual posts about things in my life or rants. Why the sudden change of atmosphere? Why the sudden positivity, optimism, and hopefulness? Well, my mom and I talked a lot this weekend, and she made me realize that my "no fucks to give" attitude and my lack of caring for anything is seeping into my life and affecting me. So I've decided that starting Monday, I would have a more positive and hopeful outcome on life. And then... I got stuck at my mom's house on Sunday night and couldn't get home because of a blizzard. Then there were tech issues at work on Monday morning. Then my car wouldn't start when I left and I didn't get home until late Monday night in mom's truck. Before I left, I slipped, sprained my ankle and threw myself into the stove before falling down. I had planned on taking Tuesday off because it was the year date of the day Chris and I separated; I knew that it was going a very bad day for me and work just wasn't an option. But instead I had to go pick up fuel line defreezer and drive back to Frost to get my truck. Came home with the intent of spending the day with my guys (Chris and Lance) and gaming but of fucking course, Sarah was there and I couldn't. So I was pissed off and upset and angry. I slept and got over it. So then I smashed my foot that I sprained later that night, and then ate week old leftovers and got food poisoning. Got an email from my boss Wednesday saying hours were cut and to come back Friday. And then, today, I found out that I (and the entire virtual team) have been laid off until the middle of February. 

So the week that I try to become hopeful and positive... is the week that the universe decides to give me the finger. Isn't that how it works though? It's really quite obnoxious and I've dealt with it the only way I know how (and by that I mean the only way I like to) - food. I devoured a whole box of cinnamon buns and a bag of powdered donuts. I know it's terrible. But it makes me feel better and if it helps me get through the bad week, then so be it.

But more than food, there is something else getting me through this week. Hope. Hope is getting me through. Hope that work will pick back up and I won't be temporarily unemployed. Hope that maybe I'll get a windfall to get me through this. Hope that I stop hurting myself (not likely, but it's a hope). Hope that mayhaps one day, in the near future, that I'll stop being single. Hope that one day, things will be better. 

And some times, it's just the smallest thing that gives us hope, that tiny glimmer that fills us with so much hope it feels like we're going to burst. Some times... that's all it takes. I had my glimmer today, and I've captured it in a jar and I'm gonna hold it tight to me. And every time I'm feeling down, I'm going to look at that jar with my glimmer of hope, and remember that things aren't that bad.