-Insert Title Here-

Because I'm feeling so blah that I don't even have the will to make up a title.

What is wrong with people? I wish I understood how people can hurt someone so bad and they don't even realize they're doing it. How can they be so oblivious to the pain they inflict on the person that loves them the most? 

Say, for instance, a very good friend of yours, your best friend even, who you see online every single day suddenly isn't there one day... two days... three days. Doesn't respond to texts. You start to worry a great deal, right? So they get online for all of ten minutes, say that they're fine, and then leave again. No further explanation and then they're gone. Again. For another two days. And then they get on again. So you strike up a convo, laugh that they're alive, and make some joke about where they've been. And then they go AFK. For the entire rest of the night. No message of "Hey, gotta go, may or may not be back". Nothing. 

Don't you wish you could just grab them by the shoulders, shake them, and scream, "I'VE BEEN SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU! WHY COULDN'T YOU BE DECENT AND JUST TALK TO ME ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF RUNNING OFF AND STAYING AWAY FOR DAYS AT A TIME!?" 

So by now you all know that this is not a for instance situation, but something that is actually happening. And I know this person and they're like me and live on the internet. So this is a very strange occurrence for them. And I am a worrier, a mother hen. When something seems amiss, I wish to know about it so I can help fix it and set things right. Except I can't do that when the person refuses to talk to me about it and gives me vague answers like "Life and work." 

And it fucking hurts. Because they're my best friend. And I hope (or at least in my delusional kingdom where I ride a unicorn, wear a tiara, and am about 10 sizes smaller) that I'm they're best friend too and that they feel like they can open up to me and just talk to me like I do them. Because when they don't, I feel bad for always venting and dumping my problems on them. I feel like our friendship isn't equal and I feel like a burden (which is actually a very common feeling for me), which then in turn makes me upset and depressed.

So much so I woke up this morning and started crying. And I can't stop. Which is making work very difficult, because I can't very well sell people internet when I'm sobbing. So I'm basically just keeping this flat, monotone voice in hopes that my sadness won't show through. Hoping that my boss doesn't decide that today is the day to monitor my calls.