Christmas

First off, I'd like to start with this picture. Someone posted it on their Facebook on Christmas Eve and it really struck close to home. I reposted it on mine with the comment "Like having your best friend home for the holidays". 

This Christmas has been particularly tough for me. Thanksgiving came and went and I thought of Christopher and wished he was here, but then I got over it and moved on. However... It wasn't so easy for Christmas. I arrived here (at mom and dad's) on Saturday night with the plan to stay the night and go home Sunday morning. Buuuuuuut... Then it turned into me just staying until Christmas night. And then last night rolled around and it had snowed and was late and I was full of lots of food and I just didn't wanna go. So I worked from here today (oh, the benefits of working from home!) and halfway through the day, I was thinking and I realized that I really didn't want to go home yet. So I was talking to mom about it and she was just like "You don't have to go home yet if you don't want to." So that leads me to staying the night again this evening. 

And part of this is that I just need a vacation from home and I need to get away for a few days and such. But a bigger part is that at home, I'm alone. Yes, Lance is there but for the most part he and I keep to ourselves. So I'm alone. And being alone means I can cry. Which I've already done three times in the last day. I cried Christmas Eve before bed. I cried again Christmas morning before I got up, and again last night when Chris called to tell mom about how he spent the holiday. 

This would have been our fifth Christmas together. I mean, after four years, yanno, it just becomes a thing that you know is going to happen every year, especially when you've become engaged. I used to be the Christmas Nazi and as I got older the feeling kinda faded away but it was always a special time of year. Without him here, it was like the puzzle wasn't complete; the piece that is him was missing and it was like a gaping hole to me. I missed him dearly and while I did send him a text wishing him merry Christmas and "miss ya", I couldn't exactly come right out and I tell him that I missed him so much and I was deeply saddened that he couldn't be here. 

Though Christmas wasn't all bad. There were a few times where I wanted to kill children and was reminded that they are fantastic birth control. Mom and I made a spread of fabulous desserts - pumpkin rolls, apple pie, apple cake with cream cheese frosting, and double layer pumpkin cheesecake. The presents were great. On Black Friday, we had bought mom and dad a 32' TV. When I went to pick it up on Sunday, they told us they had ran out and had to upgrade us to a 39'. It was pretty awesome. I got Stephanie and Jarrett my old purple and black bed-set and Jarrett got a Doctor Who pocket-watch. Heather got a new camera from me, Steph, and Jarrett (and Chris' old computer). Zach got a mouse and a gaming keyboard. Mom and dad got the TV and I made a picture collage (Chris' idea) of all the kids. Chris is getting his plane ticket, a Zergling/Baneling plushie, a League skin, and a commission of Aven and Vel (two of our characters) derping around and being silly. Lance got a League skin and a sonic screwdriver flashlight. And Peter got a bracelet that says 'Time Lord' to match mine that says 'Companion.'

I got new gloves, a nightgown, a tunic sweater and leggings (and will have boots to go with it at some point), a throw blanket, perfume and bath stuff, a food processor, and a whole bunch of awesome socks from mom and dad. Stephanie and Jarrett gave me a massage gift certificate, a penguin mug, and a beautiful antique silver mirror (I had been eyeing it last weekend at the antique shop), which made me cry when I opened it. Heather and Zach gifted me a Pikachu hat, a Derpy Whooves keychain, a new Zelda wallet to replace my broken one, and a box of Tupperware. My step mom sent me a copy of Memnoch the Devil (the only book missing from my Vampire Chronicles collection). Lance bought me an awesome Rammus hat. Chris's present is on its way (he won't tell me what it is); same with Peter's. My mother sent me $100; part is going to savings and the other part went to a few games and a picture commission of a character. And I'm going to be buying myself a chainmail necklace in a few weeks.

So overall, it was a good Christmas, minus the whole being sad because Chris wasn't here thing. I'm sure that by tomorrow I'll be fine, I'll go home, and things will be back to normal. Until then, I'm lounging in bed in mom's office with my cat (yes, I brought Snow over here with me). Thinking... maybe... nap time.