La-la-la

Before I go into anything else... WHO THE HELL HAS BEEN OBSESSIVELY READING MY BLOG!? For serious, I had nearly 30 one day this week. 30 views, in a single day. I appreciate you taking the time to read about my rants and raves and such, but like.... o_O leave a comment or something. I like feedback. ^_^

I'm going to lead off this post with a quote from one of my favourite shows because it really sums a lot of things up and speaks a great deal of wisdom.

"But sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, they just can't love you back in the same way."

Yes, this means there was another meltdown a few nights ago. Not quite as bad as the last one but a meltdown nonetheless. I'm not even sure where I should begin with it.

I guess I can start with the fact that I have a date on Saturday night. Calm yo' tits, people, it's not serious. We're just going to dinner and bowling/mini-golf. But it is a date, none the less. I am excited, don't get me wrong. But I'm scared. And nervous. I'm terrified, honestly. I haven't went on a date with someone I wasn't exclusive with in five years. That's a really long time. But I'm really nervous about this whole dating this in general. While Chris was a dick, he and I clicked and fit together like puzzle pieces. He understood me in every way. I'm scared that I won't find someone who can do that, who can understand my fucked up past, my family situation, my religious and spiritual views, etc. I'm going to hold every man that I date up to such a high standard that it's going to be ridiculous. Not only that but I'm super self-conscious about my tooth issue.

I made it through my first week of work. I remember now why I hated this job... lol. But I did well and made a handful of sales. We're working on getting me swapped over to day shift. Hopefully this week or next I'll be moved over. ^_^ And then I'll actually have an evening to do stuff instead of getting off work, having two free hours, then going to bed.

I went and saw Chris yesterday. I was going to pick up Stephanie from work and Chris had mentioned he was hurt so I went and took him my wrap to wrap up his arm. He was hungry and I had some free time so I took him to go get dinner. While we were in the car and he was debating on what he wanted to eat, Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" came on. Now I hate this song with a passion. And Chris knows it. He used to play this song just to get at me. So as soon as it comes on, I reach over and turn it off. He looks to me and grins, changing it back. I switch it. He switches it. It got to the point where both of us had one hand on the radio and one hand swatting at the other to not change the station. We were laughing playing and having a really good time, for the few seconds it lasted. It was a bittersweet moment for me. It felt really great because it felt like we were friends again doing silly stuff like fighting over the radio. But at the same time it hurt because there was a brief moment, a split second where he grabbed my hand and I looked at him and I just wanted to lean over and kiss him. But I pushed the feeling away and let it pass. I told him a few nights ago that I missed him. A lot. I told him that I felt like [if you don't watch Grey's Anatomy you won't understand the reference here] Addison while he was Derek and Sarah was Meredith. In the end no matter how hard Addison and Derek tried to make it work, Meredith got him. I told him I was going on a date and that I was scared because I would always compare people to him. He didn't really have much to say, not because he was being cold but because there really isn't much to say in that situation. All he said was "I'm not sure if you want an answer here so I'll just go with... "Noted" for now. You will find someone and all will be well eventually." Right after that, he updated his status to "Ugh." Mom said that me doing that was good and that it's making him doubt things with Sarah. I can only hope he acts on his doubts before it's too late...

Snow is doing well. He's up and running and playing and eating like a piglet these days. It's ridiculous that he was dead just a week ago and now it's like it never happened. Miracles, man... They happen. And it's amazing.

I wish next fall would get here so that I could start school. I dunno why, it may be rewatching Grey's Anatomy, but I'm getting all stir-crazy and antsy to go.

I think that's really all for now.. Will update more when available!