Frazzled and Frayed

My gods... I am so frazzled I don't even have a metaphor for it. And I'm usually good at those. Let's see here... My date was a disaster (well the aftermath); I know I went over it in my last post but I'm still feeling the affects of pushing myself into dating. I still love Chris way more than is healthy for me; oh and I did mention that he and I are on best-friend level now; except we're best-friends who tip toe on eggshells about each others personal lives. Oh and said best friend is leaving in a month to move to Michigan with bitchwhoreface. I move out next month and I don't have a car and won't have one likely until... the end of August. I'm getting very stir crazy about going to school. I posted an ad for RP, expecting to only get a response or two and ended with with ten or more and I still haven't sorted through them all. My cat, Viani, went missing the night before last and we still can't find her. Because of this, I had to leave work early to help go find her (I could have stayed but I wanted to get some daylight searching and I was way too frazzled to work) and today I'm still uber stressed out to the point where I can't hold my attention to anything. I've tried several books, games on my Kindle, shows on Netflix, my writing mojo took an unexpected vacation so I can't write.

So now that I have a list of things all laid out, I can address them one by one!

My date. Well I touched on that before. I'm just... really upset with myself for shoving me into a situation that I wasn't ready for, and even more so for giving into sexual pressure that I really shouldn't have. I was being silly and impulsive and doing that thing I do when I try to get people to like me. -sigh- I know I know, love will come when I'm ready for it and not a moment before. Patience never was one of my virtues.

Chris... I don't even know where to start with him. He was very supportive of me after my date and helped to calm me down and realize that I was going to be OK. It was then it became unofficially official that we were best friends. So then this thing with Viani happened yesterday. She got out sometime between 1 AM and 6 AM on Wednesday morning. Chris came home and she was gone. No idea what happened. So instead of waiting to tell me when I got off work I was told at my lunch that Viani was missing and I pretty much lost it. I sat through an hour of work until I couldn't take it anymore and left to go help look for her. So I get over there, we look for an hour in the rain with no luck and go back inside. I was sitting on the bed holding my head sobbing when Chris told me to stand up and c'mere. His arms were open and he held me for a good five minutes and just let me cry. We went in and out all night trying to find her with no luck. After my last time trying to find her, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me and hugged me for some time, nuzzling my hair and rubbing my arms. So to take my mind off things, Chris started showing me some funny videos and such. We wrestled on the bed, over my flashlight of all things, until he attempted to impale me with said flashlight and left a fair bruise across my boob which looks more like a hickey... So at 10.30 or so, I'm just wiped physically and emotionally. I take my Kindle, kick my shoes off, and go curl into his bed (which was amazing since I haven't slept on a real bed in a month and a comfortable one since February). I apparently ended up falling asleep because he got in bed beside me and nudged me until I woke up. We laid in bed together for a little over an hour just talking about life - his move, my dating things, moving on, etc. I cherish the moments like last night; I hat that it took such a bad event to bring us together...

Moving out. Next month. I'm really excited about it. Everything will be in my name, I will be paying my own bills, decorating my own way. It'll be nice. Except the whole not having a car thing. I'm irritated about that. Chris was going to sell me the Douchecanoe (what we affectionately named our car) but now he needs it so he's taking it with him. I know that I'm going to need $1000 saved before I can even look at cars so it's gonna be a bit. Yay for borrowing cars! -_-;

I am, however, getting my tattoos this weekend. I will post pictures as soon as I can some, which hopefully will be soon since I ordered a new charger for my camera. I also got almost all of my clothes I ordered on ebay. All the pants fit (yay!) and one of the dresses does. The other one doesn't, so I'm going to try and sell it and make some money back on it. Damnable boobs being too big. Oh! Because of this thing with Viani missing, I have pretty much crash coursed how to dowse. At least yes and no answers. I'll have to work on getting a real pendulum at some point to divine with. On that note I'm going to try and buy a new piece of magickal equipment on every check to start rebuilding.