And then, from the void, you're suddenly smacked with something completely surprising and you have no idea how to handle it?
Yeah, I've been there. In fact, I'm experiencing another one of life's wonderful plot twists right now, in several ways. It seemed that Tuesday was the proverbial end of a chapter plot twist. First, let's start out with the fact that I haven't had a UTI in... oh probably a year or more. I am quite prone to them but I'm usually pretty good about avoiding them. Not this time though! It has to attack on the very day that I have a job shadowing at the hospital with the surgical techs (more on that in a moment). So not only am I having to pee nonstop, I'l also running a slight fever and in tons of pain. Oh did I mention that I was pissing blood too? Yeah... that just wasn't fun. So I called and made an appointment at the doctor and they gave me antibiotics. Also convinced my [new] doctor to run some preliminary tests to rule out shit and start working on a fibro diagnosis. All of the tests came back good, so I go to see her in a month to check in. When I got the blood tests, though, the tech had a hell of a time finding my veins. One arm she couldn't even find one and the other wouldn't give her any blood! So she took it from a vein on top of my forearm.
So. The job shadowing. I guess I may have hyped myself up for it too much because when I got there... It just wasn't as amazing as I thought it was going to be. I just... I dunno. So now I'm stuck because this is the thing that I've been saying that I want to do. And now... I'm not so sure. I did get to observe (yes, in the actual operating room) a tibial plateau fracture repair. They basically cut open this lady's leg and took out her old steel plate and replaced it. I got a little woozy towards the end so they sent me to the lounge. Unless you work in the medical field, you would never know how incredibly hard it is to breathe with a surgical mask on. I felt like I was suffocating the whole time. I'm really... not sure how I will handle that. Also, I was incredibly embarrassed when NONE of the female scrubs they had fit me... So then they had to get some from the guys room and the shirt worked but the pants were a tight fit. Because I really needed a reminder of how big I was...
I fly out next Sunday to see Peter for a week. And I'm not sure what's been going on... but he's been very distant from me. And to be fair, I've been distant too. I'm getting nervous as fuck. At first I was nervous that I wasn't going to be what he wanted and be as amazing as he's making me up to be. But I got over that quickly because I am who I am and I like it and that's good enough. No, now the worry is... well... vise versa. That he's not going to be what I'm looking for, what I want. He's really sweet and supportive of me. But sometimes I feel smothered. The sweetness makes me teeter on edge of a diabetic coma. I know I said before I would stop comparing... but there was never a wave of hesitation before I moved out here in 2009. I bought the ticket, packed my bags, and left without a second thought. Maybe it's age. Maybe it's instinct. Maybe it's just nerves. I don't know.
So... The real plot twist of this whole week. Wednesday morning. I'm getting ready to log into work for the day. And then an email pops up. From C. The subject line was "A Fated Assignment". Now... he and I haven't spoke in any great detail since the great falling out. We exchanged a few words here and there, but nothing else. So imagine my confusion and shock to see this email. I click it open and start reading to find it's the beginning of an RP. An RP we had slated to start for a very, very long time. A RP that I yearned and begged for and cried about.
It was finally here. Right in front of me. A fairly lengthy post too (for reference, you can see some of my response and the plot twist within the plot twist on of my sister blogs, Black Ink and Parchment). I just sat there and reread it probably three or four times. I was in awe. This was completely from left field. So I did what I thought best. And I responded. And this turned into a back and forth swapping of posts via email all day.
At this point, I'm completely thrown for a loop and I can't figure out for the life of me what prompted this. So today, which I knew was going to be a bad day because A) it's his birthday and we spent the last four years celebrating it together and B) I started my job at Walmart and having everyone know me by and ask after my ex was a strain on my mental state, I check my Facebook before work. And I see a post from him to mom. I looked and I looked again. Last I knew, he had me blocked and as far as either of us were concerned, we didn't exist to each other on Facebook. So curiously, I click on his name, and lo and behold... I can see his profile. He has totally unblocked me.
Now I'm totally, completely, and thoroughly in a state of shock.
Why is he doing this? What has prompted him suddenly open the lines of communication with me? Moreso, why the sudden RP (not that I mind at all, nor does Sai, we're both stoked as fuck) and the friendly banter about the plot twist that totally floored Sai and I?
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING HERE!? WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY LIFE? I'D LIKE TO BUY A CLUE HERE.
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