Egads, has it been a long time.

Alright, ladies and gentlemen! Holy dear gods, has it been a long time since I posted. I'll give you a quick Cliffnotes timeline here of everything that has happened. (Brace yourselves, this is going to be a very long post.)

October 2011 - We moved into our own place! Yay! I also got a job at Subway.
Nothing too exciting happened during the holidays so we'll skip to February.
February 2012 - We got a car! Wewt! We now have our own transportation. 
March 2012 - I get a ticket for not having insurance (that I was LITERALLY on my way to the office to get). Wonderful. $300 that we really didn't have but made it work anyway! Also got another job and quit Subway.
April 2012 - We scrape up the money for me to take a road trip to see my friend Laura in Wyoming. Had a fucking blast there; it was good to get away from home for a bit. Also found out that I have a fucked up nerve in my leg, causing all my pain. 
May 2012 - Our three year anniversary. And I got my baby cat, Misa Misa!!! <3
Nothing really happened (that I can remember the rest of May and June so skip to July).
July 2012 - Had a for serious pregnancy scare. Like, we were sure it was happening. Holy gods, it was scary. x_x But then it turned out it was a false positive and I was incredibly upset. I cried for a good while. BUT THEN! C proposed to me!!! Yay, wedding!
August/September 2012 - Nothing exciting, just our 23rd birthdays. Finally drug myself to the doctor about my PMS (come to find out it's PMDD); she put me on Prozac and gave me a birth control implant to replace my pills.
October 2012 - Things start to get rocky here. C and I are fighting, a lot. It's bad. I find myself crying in the bathroom or in the car more often than not. I'm having a really hard time with my job as well; the drive (40 miles each way) is ridiculous, gas prices are sky-rocketing, I'm tired and in pain all the time (more about that in a moment), and my boss is a fuckwaffle. 
November 2012 - Relationship is still severely rocky. Many fights have erupted into screaming matches which leave C angry and me crying in the other room. After counseling with his mother, we decide to make some compromises and work things out. C's best friend, L, has decided he's going to come live with us next month in our spare room. I also decide to leave my job and attempt to find another halfway through this month, due to all the pain. The pain and fatigue and depression... Well, after much research and talking with C's mom, we're pretty sure that I have fibromyalgia. I went to the doctor, she says that I'm just fat, sleep too much, and need a job. Whore... I plan to go to other doctors and plead my case to see if they will listen to me.
December 2012 - L comes to live with us, things seem to be going great with C and I. No more fighting, we both seem (remember that, seem...) happy. Christmas and New Years comes and goes. No news on the job front. There were some issues between us (the fight about having kids, about me not having a job, our sex life, etc). Mom comes over for mediation, we both voice our concerns and talk them out, find solutions, voila! Things seem better (I tell you, keep that in mind). 
January 2013 - Now... Here's the fun part. C starts to seem withdrawn. He stops doing a lot with me. He's moved his desk into the other room. He spends more time RPing with people from Darknest than he spends time with me. I apparently have my blinders on and refuse to see anything bad coming. I do my best to ignore the signs, talking to my friend, L, all the time. Immersing myself in leveling a new character and RPing. And then... that fateful day. I will post the journal that I made elsewhere so that I don't miss any details on this.

Three weeks ago, C decided that he no longer wanted to continue with our relationship. He told me that he was unhappy and he didn't believe that we were headed down the same path. It's taken me a surprisingly short time to come to terms with this and to understand where he was coming from. I understand why he did what he did, though the understanding doesn't make the pain any less. 

I took a week to pack my things and say my good-byes before leaving for Wyoming to live with my best-friend, L. The good-byes were the hardest part for I didn't just leave Minnesota. I left my home, my cats (who are like children to me), my family, and one of my dearest, best friends that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. 

I'm not as young as I once was, so I'm not ruled entirely by raging, teenage hormones that make one blow things entirely out of proportion. The break up this time feels different. I have speculated and pondered it a great deal, trying to figure out why things feel different. Perhaps I knew it was coming subconsciously. Perhaps I'm just growing older and more mature. Perhaps I'm skipping through the mourning stage a lot faster than I once did. Whatever the reason, it's different. This isn't to say that it hurts less, because that's sure as hell not the case. This hurts more than I ever thought imaginable and honestly, has dealt me some serious issues that are going to take a lot of time and effort to correct. 

However, I'm not viewing this as a complete and utter downfall and failure in my life. I am taking this time to do a lot of things that I've really been meaning to do and that I think will truly help me grow. Here's the [ever-growing] list:

~ Find and keep a stable job
~ Lose weight (End goal is 100 lbs)
~ Try to fix debt (Or at least enough to get back into school)
~ Go back to school for something I *want* (Which will be surgical technician) 
~ Get tooth fixed
~ Do things that I love (namely the SCA)
~ Find myself (however that may be)
~ Get in touch with my spiritual side
~ Work on my [serious] self-esteem issues
~ Swear off romance for a good, long while (going to *try* for the whole year)
~ Work on getting a vehicle and my own place
~ Try to maintain a friendship with C (I done goofed and failed this one, but I'm taking steps to fix it)

That's it, ladies and gents. So far, I've had a really great support system helping me through this, and support has come in places that I least expected it. Doing a lot of these things is going to have to wait until July, when we make our move to Madison, WI, and settle down there. But in the mean time, I'm doing what I can while I heal. 

And I know that this is not an injury that I can stitch up and slap a bandage on. This isn't even minor surgery with a few days in an out-patient room. This was a serious, life-changing trauma that will not be easy to heal. It's going to take love and support from friends and family. It will take therapy in various forms. Much adjusting and adapting will be required. There has been and will be many tears shed. But mostly... it's going to take time. Lots of time.

So yeah... that's pretty much where we stand right now. I have a preliminary interview on Monday for a laundry gig at the hospital; while I'm not getting the experience that I need for my field, it'll be in a hospital nonetheless so hopefully I'll pick some things up. I feel pretty good about the job thing. In other news, I'm growing my hair back out (yay for long hair!), trying to work on caring what I look like and not looking like a scrub all the damn time, and well, doing my best to better myself. 

-shifty eyes- I know I said before that I was going to swear off romance. And I still am! I am very much single. However... I've found this guy. We'll call him N. He's someone that I RP with and since the break up, he and I have grown very close. We've found that we can talk to each other very easily and confide in one another. He tells me about his relationship issues (his very serious issues...) and it's strange... because it's a lot like my relationship with C, so in hindsight I understand a lot that went on with us. And the more I learn about N... the more I like him. He's a really great guy. We're into a lot of the same things (unlike his woman), we click really well, and he's just awesome. So of course there's the obligatory flirting (that has, as he put it, created this obscure, wavy line) and well... I'm doing my best to be his friend and give him advice all the while not trying to push my own agenda, per-say, but let him know that I'm here for him should he ask.

I'm pretty sure that's all. Sorry for being long-winded and not giving a TL;DR, but there's really just too much information here to do that. Will likely be back to post within the week. ^_^