Yanno, this used to be my favourite month of the year. And now, it's just another month. I guess because I don't really get into Halloween like I used to. Guess it comes with age? I dunno. Maybe once I have a kid my spark for the holiday will come back.
So. I'm sad. And there's a number of reasons for it. (Before I continue, I'll just make a blanket statement that this entry is going to be all over the place.) I'm reasonably sure that I have SAD (seasonal affected depression). This will be my fifth winter here and it's happened pretty well every year. (Yanno, I've tried to write this entry like... three times now. I'm sure I'll finish it eventually.) So I'm sad because the weather causes some stupid chemical imbalance. I'm sad because it's getting cold and cold is for snuggles and I don't have a snuggle buddy. I'm sad because it's winter and this was the year that Chris was supposed to teach me to drive in the snow (circumstances have prevented this the last four years), but now I'll be learning all on my own, hopefully with no accidents. I'm sad because I'm irritated with WoW; I just want it to be like when I first started playing back in '08 and '09. But it's not and it never will be and I need to just get over it. I'm sad because my doctor is a twat and refuses to test me for fibromyalgia (or rather test me for other things to rule them out so we can determine that I have fibro) until I lose ~100 pounds. Which is stupid, because it's a known fact that people with fibro have difficultly losing weight for a myriad of reasons, which leads me to my next thing. I'm sad because I hurt. All the time. And it's just getting worse. I want to get up and work out. I want to go out walking. But it's cold. And I hurt. And the cold makes the hurt worse. My joints and muscle scream out every day. There are times where I just lay there and cry. And my injury from Walmart is still acting up. There's a yoga class in town. But it's at noon, which is right in the middle of my work shift. And Netflix is a whore and took down all the workout and yoga videos. And lastly... I'm sad because of a reason that I've been refusing to admit, because of a reason that I've been fighting, because of a reason I'm scared to come to terms with.
I miss Christopher.
I miss him with all my might. And I know a lot has to do with most of the aforementioned issues. A lot has to do with the fact that he and I are talking so much and interacting so much now. Some has to do with the fact that it's the holiday season and we've spent the last four together. Whatever the reason, I miss him. He's agreed to come and see me in January for a late holiday visit; I'm grandly excited for it. I have no idea what we're going to do for the 5 days he's here; I know we'll spend some time with the family, but then there's going to be some time where it's just him and I. Maybe we'll work on Idea Box. Maybe I'll force him to watch Doctor Who with me. Maybe we'll just sit and talk. But whatever we do, I know it'll be hard on me. I know that I have to to keeps things on the friend level (unless, of course, he miraculously becomes single before then).
In other news, I've decided that I'm going to try and decorate my house for the holidays this year. I bought some fall-themed stuff (that the cats are trying to destroy and as far as the tablecloth goes, they did; next time, I'll get a fabric one, not plastic) and here in a month or so I'll get some Christmas decorations and go all Christmas Nazi. I'm really hoping that doing stuff like that and other festive things like baking will help my winter blues. Let's see... what else... Oh! A few entries back, I think I posted about how I want to decorate my house and such. I had bought a bed set in purple and black and was going to base my room around that. Well... that changed. I found some pretty curtains at Walmart and got spontaneous and bought them. They're red with gold scroll-work. So then I was searching online for a bed set that could match and I found one on Walmart.com for $60. Knowing I couldn't afford it then, I decided that I would keep it on the back burner and buy it when I had the money. But then! I was at Walmart picking up stuff for the cats and I saw the bed set in the clearance bin in my bed size. For $25. I snagged it because that's a steal. It came with a bed skirt, a big warm comforter, two pillow shams, and three plump pillows, including a neck roll (which I just love and needed a new one anyways). So now I need a flannel sheet set (I found one that I can get in ivory or red, but I'll probably go red) and my bedding will be complete. As far as paint and room decorations... those will have to wait. With the holidays here and all, I have next to no spending money. The total cost of gifts this year is going to be ~$400 so all of my extra cash is going to that. But I think that everyone will like their gifts. I'm chipping in to mom and dad a new HDTV. Chipping in to get Heather a camera. Buy Zack (Heather's boy) a handpainted Spiderman rubber ducky. Stephanie is getting my old bed set that I hardly used (it's all dark and gothic-esque, so she should like it. And it was $70!). Jarrett (Steph's boy) is getting a handmade (not by me, sadly) Dalek beanie. Lance is getting a crocheted Weeping Angel for his desk. And Chris is getting his plane ticket here and a baneling/zergling plushie (it can transform) from Blizzcon this year (I have a guildy that's going and I'm paying him to buy it for me). I'm not sure if I'm going to buy anything for myself yet; it all depends on finances. I'm hoping they have some good deals on stuff for Black Friday so maybe I can get myself a few things, like a camera. a new video card, a good memory foam pillow, etc.
Anyways, that's pretty much all for now. More in a few weeks. Unless something huge happens. Which isn't likely. But I won't count it out.
